Chuckle 2857

(Chuckle 2857)

Chuckle 249 (Taken from my achieves.) sent out 2-23-04.
(Rick and Ann of Surrey BC get today’s chuckle thanks!)


~Bus Ride~ (Also: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and Truism)

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.
The Brunette team rides on the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.
The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decides to get up and investigate.

When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. The brunette asks, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"
One of the Blondes looks up at her, swallows hard and says,

"YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!"
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(A Maxine from My Own Collection.)


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(Truisms from Nancy S of Sheridan WY)

Chuckle 2856

(Chuckle 2856)
(Keith K of Florence OR gets today's Chuckle thanks.)



~Irish Ballerina~ (Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless Sundress, walked into a bar in Dublin, Ireland. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a woman a drink?" The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.

But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink, and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady another drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"

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(A Maxine from My Own Collection.)



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(Find the six differences, answers below)

Chuckle 2855

(Chuckle 2855)
(Elva B of Coldwell ID gets today's Chuckle thanks.)




~A LIFE LESSON! ~ (Second time around)

(Also: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and Truisms)

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing or hunting instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing or hunting," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing/hunting and golf.”

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(A Maxine from My Own Collection.)


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(Truisms from Nancy S of Sheridan WY)

Chuckle 2854

(Chuckle 2854)
(Nicky H of Florence OR gets today's Chuckle thanks


~Blonde Trying to Help~ (Second time around) (Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

Finally, a blonde joke with some Canadian content.... As a North Bay trucker stops for a red light on Hwy.11, a Blonde catches up... She jumps out of her car, runs up to his Truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the Window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl Catches up again. She jumps out of her car runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.

As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and Continues down the street. At the third red light, the same Thing happens again.

All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, and Knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window... Again she says, "Hi, my Name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets Out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says,

"Hi, my name is Kevin, its winter in CANADA, and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK.........."

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(A Maxine from My Own Collection.)




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(Find the six differences, answers below)

Chuckle 2853

(Chuckle 2853)
(Nancy s of Sheridan WY gets today's chuckle thanks.)

~Pecans In the Cemetery~ (Also: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and Truisms)

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree, just inside the cemetery fence.

One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
‘One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me, ‘said one boy.

Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices coming from inside the cemetery.

He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, “one for you, one for me...”

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

“Come here quick,” said the boy, “you won’t believe what i heard! Satan and the lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!” The man said, “Beat it kid; can’t you see it’s hard for me to walk? When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, “one for you and one for me.”

The old man whispered, “Boy you’ve been telling me the truth. Let’s see if we can see the lord......?

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the lord.

At last they heard, “one for you and one for me. That’s all. Now let’s go get those nuts by the fence and we’ll be done...?

They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
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(A Maxine from My Own Collection.)




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(Truisms from Nancy S of Sheridan WY)

Chuckle 2852

(Chuckle 2852)
(Mac M of Florence OR gets today's Chuckle thanks.)

~Irish Talking Clock~ (Second time around) (Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet*.**

*What's that big brass gong? One of the guests asked. It’s not a gong it’s a
talking clock, the drunk replied. A talking clock? Seriously? Asked his
astonished friend. YUP, it is. How's it work? The friend asked. Watch.
The drunk picked up the mallet, gave the gong an Ear-shattering pound
and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, YOU ASSHOLE!
IT'S THREE-FIFTEEN IN THE MORNING!

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(A Maxine from My Own Collection.)



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(Find the six differences, answers below)

Chuckle 2851

(Chuckle 2851)
(Charlie in Bradenton FL gets today's Chuckle thanks.)



~The Meaning of the Dot ~ (Also: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and Truisms)

The Dot! FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP. For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story. When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab, or a motel in the United States. If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with Verizon technical advice.

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(A Maxine from My Own Collection.)



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(Truisms from Nancy S of Sheridan WY)