Sunday, March 29, 2020

Chuckle 5312





Chuckle 5312 Classic
Chuckle 184 (Sent out in Dec 2003)
(Three chuckle senders sent in today’s Chuckle.Pat Mahoney and Dean and Dee both of Florence OR. and Carrie of Sacramento CA. Thanks go to all of you!)
~Baking a Christmas Cake:~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and  Sign )
Christmas Cake Recipe
   1 cup of water
 1 tsp baking soda
 1 cup of sugar
 1 tsp salt
 1 cup of brown sugar
 lemon juice
 4 large eggs
 1 cup nuts
 1 bottle Jose Cuervo Gold Tequila
 2 cups of dried fruit
  Sample the Cuervo to check quality.
  Take out a large bowl, check the Cuervo again to be sure it is of
The highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer...

Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, tryanother cup ... just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit off floor...
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something.
Who giveshz a ****.
Check the Josie Cuervo.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl in the stink,
Finish the Joe Curvo and find someone to dance with.
CHERRY MISTMAS!

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Saturday, March 28, 2020

Chuckle 5311


Chuckle 5311
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Bev L of Mt. Vernon WA and Nancy in Sun City AZ) Both sent this to me, the only difference was the time.
~People Are Getting Brutal! ~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)
  I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8 for seniors only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.
  He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.
  As he approached the line for the 3rd time he said, "If you don't let me unlock the door, you'll never get in there."😂 I borrowed this we need a laugh .

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Maxine
























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Herman










Friday, March 27, 2020

Chuckle 5310




Chuckle 5310
Chuckle from Unsent Emails Disk
~Irish Humor~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff's)
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.  "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've something to tell ya."

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome Tim. But, where's my husband?
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. "There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda.  "Please don't tell me."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.

Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus!  But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
**********

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.  He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"

She says, "That he did, Father."

The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"

She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun!'"
**********

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/


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Maxine

























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Thursday, March 26, 2020

Chuckle 5309




Chuckle 5309
If you have a friend who would like to receive the daily chuckle, this link will fit the Bill.
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nancy S of Sun City AZ)
~Rescue Dogs~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and 6 Diffs)


























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From Bev,

























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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Wednesday, March 25, 2020

Chuckle 5308












Chuckle 5308
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Bev in Mt. Vernon WA)

~Just for fun!~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign)
I had to pass this along...my belly hurts from laughing!!!!😂
How grandchildren perceive their grandparents
1. I was in the bathroom, putting on my makeup, under the watchful eyes of my young granddaughter, as I'd done many times before. After I applied my lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....
2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 72. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.
. 6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/


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Tuesday, March 24, 2020

Chuckle 5307





Chuckle 5397
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nancy in Sun City AZ)
~A GLASS OF WINE...~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and 6 Diff’s )

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine, and for those who don't, and are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand, there is a line which Ben Franklin once said:
"In wine there is wisdom, In beer there is freedom, In water there is bacteria."
In a number of carefully controlled trials,, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink four glasses of water each day, at the end of a year we would have absorbed more than two pounds of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) which is bacteria found in feces. 
In other words, we are consuming two pounds of poop annually.
However, We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine or beer, rum, whiskey or another liquor because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, but Wine, beer or liquors = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupidly, than it is to drink water and be full of shit...

VERIFICATION YOU CAN WITNESS: 
BOTH THE HOUSE AND SENATE MEMBERS DRINK A LOT OF WATER WHILE IN SESSION. THIS EXPLAINS A GREAT DEAL. . .
There is no need to thank me for sharing this valuable information.  I'm doing it strictly for my conscience and as a public service.
.CHEERS!!! 

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/


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6 Diffs
























































Saturday, March 21, 2020

Chuckle 5305




Chuckle 5305
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Bev in Mt. Vernon WA)
 ~Being prepared.... I finally finished my panic room...~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and 6 Diff’s)
         I didn’t know you had a problem Bev!


























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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/


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6 diff’s