Tuesday, December 01, 2020

Chuckle 5525

 

Chuckle 5525 Classic

Chuckle 226  received in 2004

(Rick and Ann of Surrey BC get today’s chuckle thanks!)

~Texas Quarters: ~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign)

   The U.S.  Treasury announced today that it is recalling all of the Texas quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state.
 
  "We are recalling all the new Texas quarters that were recently issued," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said

Monday.  "This action is being taken after numerous reports that new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices." The quarters were issued in the order in which the various states joined the U.S. and have been a tremendous success among coin collectors worldwide.

  "The problem lies in the unique design of the Texas quarter, which was created by a Texas A&M graduate," Shackleford said. "Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Signs from Keith K




 


















Sunday, November 29, 2020

Chuckle 5524

 

Chuckle 5524

 Chuckle 110  sent in 2003

 (Thanks for this chuckle go to Sandy Jackson of Florence OR.)

 ~SENIOR'S DISCOUNT~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign)

  Last year I replaced several windows in my house. They were the expensive double-insulated energy efficient windows. This week I got a call from the contractor complaining that the work has been done for a year and I had failed to pay for them. Boy, oh boy, did we go 'round and 'round. I told him no one pulls a fast one on this old lady. Even though I am a senior citizen and used to be a blonde, doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid! I proceeded to tell him just what his salesman told me last year; that, "in one year they would pay for themselves!!"

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Since that was so short I thought I’d add something.

Here are a few Cryptograms that Rick and I (Jerry) solve each morning: (They must be shared)

 If an elephant has a skin problem do you suppose he should visit  a “pachydermatologist.”

 Preparing to go out for a while, what did papa buffalo say to his baby? “Bison”

 The average man’s judgment is so poor, he runs a risk every time he uses it.  – Ed Howe

 Does a kangaroo get irritated when its baby eats his crackers in bed?

 WHY DO WE DO THESE THINGS RICK?

 

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 (Today in History Click)

http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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6 Diff's 






















Saturday, November 28, 2020

Chuckle 5523

 

Chuckle 5523 Classic

 

Chuckle 108

 (Our thanks go to Mary of Los Osos CA for this Chuckle.)

 ~Driving To Slow:~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign)

  Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

  Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in front and three in the back.

 The driver, obviously confused, said to him, "Officer, don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replied, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

 "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit
 exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman said a bit proudly.

 The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explained to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

 A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for
 pointing out her error.

 "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this
car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't

muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asked.

 "Oh, they'll be fine in a minute or two, officer. We just got off Route
 119!"

 

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 (Today in History Click)

http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day


(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)

http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Sign















Friday, November 27, 2020

Chuckle 5522

 

Chuckle 5522 Classic

Chuckle 105 (received  Oct  2003 )

(Willie and Joy of Sacramento, CA.. sent us this

Chuckle. Thanks go to both of you!)

Note: This one is rated PG.

BMW & Tees: ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and  6 diff’s)

 Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant who knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner, completely unaware of who the golf pro is.

  "Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.         

  "What are those, son?" asks the attendant.

  "They're called tees" replies Tiger.

  "Well, what on the good earth are they for?" inquire the Irishman.

  "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving," says Tiger.

  "Jesus, Mary and Joseph", says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything.

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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6 diff's


























Thursday, November 26, 2020

Chuckle 5521

 

Chuckle 5521 Classic

 Chuckle 30 (Sent by John and Jayne March, 2001)

 ~The Outhouse!! ~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign)

    Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. They had to use an out house, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer, cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.

   One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy
decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got
a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into
the creek and floated away.

   That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after
supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad
replied, "someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you,
wasn't it, son?" The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and
said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a
cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth."

 

The dad replied, "Well son, George Washington's father wasn't in that
cherry tree!"

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 (Today in History Click)

http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history


(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Sign from Nancy in Sun City AZ

















Wednesday, November 25, 2020

Chuckle 5520

 

Chuckle 5520

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~ A few Smiles~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign)

 

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)

 

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it!)

 

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!)

 

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

 

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.)

 

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour

(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)

 

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes... Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

 

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

 

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

 

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)

 

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.(Hmmmmmm......)

 

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig??)

 

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle.

 

In other words, send it to everyone !    (and God love that pig!)

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 (Today in History Click)

http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Tuesday, November 24, 2020

Chuckle 5519

 

Chuckle 5519

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Bill P of Florence OR)

~ One guy's reaction ~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign)

   A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you...don't  bother to come after me. Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.

 After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note.

After a few minutes, he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone.

"She's finally gone...yeah I know, it is about time, I'm coming to see you,put on that sexy French nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like.”

He hung up, grabbed his keys, and left.

She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed, seething with rage and with tears in her eyes. She grabbed the note to see what he wrote.

"I can see your feet.

We're outta bread; be back in five minutes.”

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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