Saturday, December 14, 2019

Chuckle 5221






Chuckle 5221 Floppy

(Received in Mar 2001)

~Mangled Manhood~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and  Sign )

A man was in a terrible accident and his "manhood" was mangled and torn
from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give
him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery
since it was considered cosmetic.
The doctor said that the cost would be $3500 for "small," $6500 for
"medium", and $14,000 for "large."
The man was sure he would want a medium or a large, but the doctor urged

him to talk it over with his wife before deciding. The man called his
wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came back into the room and found the man looking quite
dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" he asked.
The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen!"

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/


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Maxine at Xmas



























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Friday, December 13, 2019

Chuckle5220 Classic



Chuckle 5220 Classic

Chuckle 504

(Today we have two chuckles sent to us by Rick in Surrey BC.

Thanks Rick!)

~Cheese Farm~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Sign)

A group of Americans was traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through a process of cheese making, explaining that goats' milk was used. She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing.

These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced. She then asked, "What do you do in America with your older goats?"

A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours, or make us go play Bingo."



~Enunciate Carefully~

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it was time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical   relationship.

"How do you feel about sex?"  he asked, rather trustingly.

"Well," she says, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say I would like it infrequently."



The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then looking over his glasses, looked her in the eye casually and asked . . . "Was that one or two words?"



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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/
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Maxine at Xmas






























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6 Diff’s




























Thursday, December 12, 2019

Chuckle 5219 Classic


Chuckle 5219 Classic

Chuckle 535 (Sent out in Dec 2004)

(Charlotte in Reeds Port OR gets today's chuckle thanks!)

~Four Animals Women Want~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

You've got to love this little girl. What a woman she'll make! A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?" A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals." The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be Sugar?"

The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed, and a jackass to pay for all of it." 

The teacher fainted.

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/




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Maxine at Xmas































______________________________________________________

Herman




































Wednesday, December 11, 2019

Chuckle 5218



Chuckle 5218

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~AVOCADOS~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s )

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.  The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk"

He replied, "They had avocados."

If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again!  Men will get it the first time.

My work is done here.



WATER IN THE CARBURETOR

WIFE:  "There is trouble with the car.  It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND:  "Water in the carburetor?  That's ridiculous "

WIFE:  "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND:  "You don't even know what a carburetor is.  I'll check it out.   Where's the car?

WIFE: "In the pool".



STATISTIC

THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC , PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME IN RECENT YEARS.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary.  It means 75% are running around untreated.



THE PHONE

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary.  So he decided to buy her a cell phone.  He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.

Meg was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

The next day Meg went shopping.  Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end.

"Hi Meg," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"

Meg replied, "I just love it!  It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though."

"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"


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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/



____________________________________________________

Maxine


























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6 Diff’s





















































Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Chuckle 5217





Chuckle 5217

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nancy S in Sun City AZ)

~Hanky Panky~  (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and  Sign )

Saint Peter is seeing all of the new arrivals trying to go through the pearly gates in Heaven.

The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th-floor apartment and found the guy clinging to the rail by his fingertips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him.  At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died." Saint Peter thanked him and sent him on to the waiting room. The second applicant said that his last day was his worst..."I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment and I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th-floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up, I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest." Saint Peter couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the waiting room. Saint Peter is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. He apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the two fellows that arrived here just before you." "I don't know" replies the man. "Picture this, I'm naked, hiding in this cedar chest…."




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 (Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/




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Maxine





























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Sign






























Sunday, December 08, 2019

Chuckle 5216


Chuckle 5216

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nancy of Sun City AZ)

These are great, and not just a little bit true! ??

~1960s Hits Renamed ~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s )

Some of the artists of the 60s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember doing the "Limbo" as if it were yesterday

They include:

Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash

Herman's Hermits --- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker

Ringo Starr --- I Get By With A Little Help From Depends

The Bee Gees --- How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?

Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face ?

Johnny Nash --- I Can't See Clearly Now

Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver

The Commodores --- Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom

Procol Harum--- A Whiter Shade Of Hair

Leo Sayer --- You Make Me Feel Like Napping

The Temptations --- Papa's Got A Kidney Stone

Abba--- Denture Queen

Tony Orlando --- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

Helen Reddy --- I Am Woman; Hear Me Snore

Leslie Gore --- It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To





And Last, but NOT least:

Willie Nelson --- On the Commode Again



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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day


(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/



______________________________________________________

Maxine





























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6 Diff’s














































Saturday, December 07, 2019

Chuckle 5215 Classic


Chuckle 5215 Classic

Chuckle 79 (Sent out in Aug 2003)

(Roy and Doris Stephen of Weldon, Sask. sent us this

Chuckle. Thanks Roy!)

"Sure, Kemosabe": (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope Maxine and Herman )


The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer.
   After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"


   The Lone Ranger said, "I do, Why?" 

  The cowboy said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!"

   The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was about  to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got water and soon Silver was starting to feel little better.  The Lone Ranger turns toTonto and said, "I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to help cool him down." 

   Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and begins running circles around Silver.
   Unable to do anything except wait, the Lone Ranger returns to the bar to finish his drink.


   A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and
asked, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"


   The Lone Ranger stands and claimed, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?”

The cowboy looks him in the eye and said, "Nothing, but you left your Injun running."

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/




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Maxine at Xmas
































___________________________________________________________

Herman