Chuckle 1076

Chuckle 1076
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Phyllis S of Pasadena CA!)


~Funny Quotes~ Part One
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day)

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, “Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." - Lillian Carter (mother of President Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce. - Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. - Jilly Cooper
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(Click Today in History and learn.)

• Today in history
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Word of the Day for Sunday June 18, 2006
transmogrify \trans-MOG-ruh-fy\, transitive verb:To change into a different shape or to transform, often with bizarre or humorous effect.

A washing machine transmogrified into a guitar.-- Adrian Searle, "Come, friendly pigeons", The Guardian, March 16, 2000

For the impulsive sin of turning to look back at the funereal pyre of Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot's wife is transmogrified into a pillar of salt as she flees the inferno.-- Elizabeth Wurtzel, Bitch: In Praise of Difficult Women

Roast chicken is still roast chicken whether you label it haute cuisine, bourgeois cuisine or country cooking; even calling it "poulet roti" will not transmogrify this simple bird.-- Jacques Pepin, "The Chicken Dinner, Both Humble and Noble", New York Times, January 4, 1989

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