Chuckle 1115

Chuckle 1115
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Pat M of Florence OR!)


~The Natural Universe~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

These are the unavoidable laws of the natural universe...and I have been affected by every one of them. ---Pat---

1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

5. Law of the Alibi If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time).

7. Bath Theory When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work... it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet / rug.

15. Law of Location No matter where you go, there you are.

16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

18. Oliver's Law A closed mouth gathers no feet.

19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

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(Click Today in History and learn.)

• Today in history
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Word of the Day for Thursday July 27, 2006

apologia \ap-uh-LOH-jee-uh; -juh\, noun:A formal defense or justification, especially of one's opinions, position, or actions.

Mr. Arbatov is well aware that he was perceived in this country as a spokesman at best and toady at worst for the regime. And he clearly wants this book to serve as his apologia.-- Bernard Gwertzman, "When Soviet Bureaucrats Were the Last to Know", New York Times, August 20, 1992

I should hasten to add that this volume is neither a dreary academic summary nor a tedious apologia by a politician who has just left office.-- Jack F. Matlock Jr., "Chinese Checkers", New York Times, September 13, 1998

John F. Lehman Jr. has written a lively and provocative apologia, in the classic sense of the word, to defend and justify his stewardship as Secretary of the Navy from 1981 to 1987.-- Richard Halloran, "Floating a Few Proposals", New York Times, February 19, 1989

The work is "a classic apologia, an aggressive defense of Roth's moral stance as an author," Harold Bloom said in The Book Review last year.-- Patricia T. O'Conner, New York Times, September 14, 1986
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below)