Chuckle 1853

Chuckle 1853
(Pam S of Roseville CA gets today’s chuckle thanks!)

Red Buttons

~Not a Single Swear Word~ Pt. 2
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope and
Six Differences.)

* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!"

* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking."

The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."

* A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10 till payday."

The Jewish fellow responded, "When's payday?"

The bum said, "I don't know! You're the one that's working!"

* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

* I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

* The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.

* There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.

* Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink? A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

* Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish American Princess horror movie? A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes."

* Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.

* Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite position? A: Facing Bloomingdale's.

* A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you?"

"Not too good," said the mother, "I've been very weak."

The son said, "Why are you so weak?"

She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days.

" The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"

The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

* A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play.

She asks, "What part is it?

The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."

The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

* Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother? A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

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(Click Today in History and learn.)
• Today in history
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(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
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(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
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(Latest Maxine’s)

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(Find the 6 differences, see answers below.)