Chuckle 5274

Chuckle 5274

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~Things to Ponder~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and  6 Diffs )

When one door closes and another door opens, you're probably in prison.

~  To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

~  When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

~  Interviewer: "So, tell me about yourself." Me: "I'd rather not.  I kinda want this job."

~  Cop: "Please step out of the car." Me: "I'm too drunk.  You get in."

~  I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

~  I had my patience tested.  I'm negative.

~  Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid the doesn't fit any of your containers.

~  If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say "Did you bring the money?"

~  When you ask me what I'm doing today, and I say "nothing," it doesn't mean I'm free.  It means I'm doing nothing.

~  Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 is new midnight.

~  I finally got eight hours of sleep.  It took me three days, but whatever.

~  I run like the winded.

~  I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

~  When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

____________________________________________________ 

(Today in History Click)http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________

6 Diffs