Chuckle 971

Chuckle 971
(Today's chuckle thanks go to GGBG of Florence OR!)


~Signs of Age~
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

You know you’re aging when:
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00A.M. is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on to he couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM!

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM now severely upsets, rather than settles, your stomach.

19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one, then you forward it to a bunch of old pals and friends 'cause you know they'll enjoy it and do the same. ***

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(Click Today in History and learn.)

• Today in history
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Word of the Day for Saturday March 4, 2006

simulacrum \sim-yuh-LAY-kruhm; -LAK-ruhm\, noun;plural simulacra \sim-yuh-LAY-kruh; -LAK-ruh\:1. An image; a representation.2. An insubstantial, superficial, or vague likeness or semblance.

Incorporating simulacra of historic buildings and exotic landscapes the Emperor saw on his extensive travels through his dominions, the villa is high-style multiculturalism.-- Martin Filler, New York Times, December 3, 1995

It becomes harder . . . to distinguish the genuine from its simulacrum.-- Wayne Curtis, "The Tiki Wars," The Atlantic, February 2001

The Wilson who at last recovered some of his health was a pale simulacrum of the man he had been.-- Louis Auchincloss, Woodrow Wilson

His radiator pipe and fire hose, for example, are like washed out ghosts of real things, waxen simulacra of themselves.-- Harvey Blume, "Bits of Beauty," The Atlantic, June 3, 1999

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