Mr Chuckles: Chuckle 4954

Chuckle 4954

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

Begin forwarded message:

~GETTING OLD: ~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s

Old age is coming at a really bad time. It is five o'clock somewhere... every day.

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

When I was a child I thought "Nap Time" was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Actually I'm not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. And, I don't have acne. Life is great!

I have more friends that I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.

Now, I'm wondering: did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?

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