Chuckle 5195

Chuckle 5195

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~Things to ponder~ Part 2 (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign )

~  Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 is new midnight.

 ~  I finally got eight hours of sleep.  It took me three days, but whatever.

 ~  I run like the winded.

 ~  I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.

 ~  When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”

 ~  I don’t remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.

 ~  When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

 ~  I don’t mean to interrupt people.  I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

 ~  When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”

 ~  It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles.

 ~  Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes.  That would be boring.  Spend 30 seconds in my head.  That’ll freak you right out.

~  That moment when you walk into a spider web suddenly turns you into a karate master.

 ~  Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life outta nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever.  We call those people cops.

 ~  The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

 ~  My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

 We must always take sides.  Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim.  Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.  Elie Wiesel

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Aunty Acid

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