Chuckle 5239

Chuckle 5239

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~Truthizims~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign)

Good ones here!

 If my body is ever found on a "jogging" trail, just know that I was murdered somewhere else and dumped there.

 Respect your elders? They graduated from school without the internet.  

 I've decided I’m not old? I'm 25 -- plus shipping and handling.

 Why do I have to press "1" for English? Did America move?

 We have enough gun control. What we need, is idiot control.

 Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

 Let's stop sending money to other countries and let them hate us for free.

 Vegetarian: ancient tribal name for the village idiot who can't hunt, fish, or light fires!

 I look at people and sometimes think "really? -- that's the sperm that won?"  

 In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

 If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk, and spoons make people fat.

 My decision-making skills closely resemble those of a squirrel when crossing the road.



Some things are just better left unsaid -- and i usually realize it right after I say them.

 We owe illegals nothing -- we owe our veterans everything.  Amen

 Camping: where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.

 I always thought that getting old would take longer.

 A wise man once said - - nothing



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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/









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