Chuckle 1692

Chuckle1692
(Lora S of Florence OR gets today’s chuckle thanks!)


~Quotes by Bob Hope~ May 29, 1903 - July 27, 2003
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope and
Six Differences.)

ON TURNING 70; "You still chase women, but only downhill".

ON TURNING 80; “That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing...”

ON TURNING 90; “You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."

ON TURNING 100 " I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING; “I ruined my hands in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them."

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR; “Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'."

ON GOLF; "Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees."

ON PRESIDENTS; “I have performed for 12 presidents and entertain ed only six."

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER; “When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations You have an eight-pound ham'."

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL; GOLD MEDAL& a mp; n bsp; "I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY; “Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS; "That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom."

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES; “I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me."

ON GOING TO HEAVEN; "I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality." ***



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(Click Today in History and learn.)
• Today in history
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(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
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(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
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Chuckle Gems.

Retha A of Richland OR gets our thanks for:
“How do these people survive?”


EIGHT

Police in Radnor, Pa. interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)