Chuckle 5372

Chuckle 5372

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~Points to Ponder~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and  )

~  When one door closes and another door opens, you’re probably in prison.

 ~ To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.

 ~ When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

 ~ Interviewer: “So, tell me about yourself.”

    Me: “I’d rather not.  I kinda want this job.”

 ~ Cop: “Please step out of the car.”

    Me: “I’m too drunk.  You get in.”

 ~  I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

 ~  I had my patience tested.  I’m negative.

 ~  Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid the doesn’t fit any of your containers.

~  If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say “Did you bring the money?”

 ~  When you ask me what I’m doing today, and I say “nothing,” it doesn’t mean I’m free.  It means I’m doing nothing.

 ~  Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 is new midnight.

 ~  I finally got eight hours of sleep.  It took me three days, but whatever.

 ~  I run like the winded.

 ~  I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.

 ~  When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”

 ~  I don’t remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.

 ~  When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

 ~  I don’t mean to interrupt people.  I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

 _______________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

_________________________________________________________ 

________________________________________________________________


Herman