Chuckle 987

Chuckle 987
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Dean O, Bev L and GGBG all of Florence OR)

~My Wife Left Me~ (From Dean)
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day)

My wife left me and I'm not sure why. After our last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses so I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12 pack on weekends. Anyway, I gave it up. Then, the other day she came home from grocery shopping and when I looked at the receipt, I saw she spent $45 for makeup.

I said, "Wait a minute I've given up beer and you haven't given up anything!" She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you."

I told her, "Hell, that's what the beer was for!"

I don't think she'll be back.

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~My Yearly Exam ~ (From Bev)

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basics.

How much do you weigh?" she asks. "130," I say. The nurse puts me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 160.

The nurse asks, "Your height?" "5 foot 8," I say. The nurse checks and sees that I only measure 5' 5".

She then takes my blood pressure and tells me it is very high.

"Of course it's high!" I scream, "When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"

She put me on Prozac.
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~That's My Story~ (From GGBG)

We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. So I'm not fat, I'm just really intelligent and my head couldn't hold any more so it started filling up the rest of me!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it! ***

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(Click Today in History and learn.)

• Today in history

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Word of the Day for Monday March 20, 2006

paragon \PAIR-uh-gon; -guhn\, noun:A model of excellence or perfection; as, "a paragon of beauty; a paragon of eloquence."

Even his friends and business associates, men and women alike, were paragons of health: avoiders of fatty foods, moderate drinkers, health-club habitues, lovers of cross-country skiing, weekend canoe trips, and daylong hikes in the North Woods.-- Alvin Greenberg, How the Dead Live

Voters, if they chose, could easily convince themselves that the people running their government were faithful spouses and temperate drinkers, paragons whose public images were in perfect accord with their private behavior.-- Gail Collins, Scorpion Tongues
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