Chuckle 1708

Chuckle 1708
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Jayne C of Florence OR!)

~Never Leave Your Nuts Alone ~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope and
Six Differences.)

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled,
"Up Nuts", and the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they all sat back down in their seats.

After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts". They all broke out into applause and cheered. When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat calling. Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.

When he returned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, "What in the world happened?"

The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, "PEE-NUTS!" ***

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• Today in history
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(Word for the Day)
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Today's Horoscope )
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Chuckle Gems.

Thanks go to Pam S of Roseville CA for; “The Wonderful English Language”. If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius!

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

34. How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

35. You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

36. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

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(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)