Chuckle 992

Chuckle 992
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Phyllis S of Pasadena CA!)


~Irish Chuckles~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?" "Why would you be wantin' to know?" asked Paddy.
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Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty." "That's grand!" shouted Reilly, "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
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An Irish girl said to a shopkeeper: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?" The Shopkeeper replied: "I’d prefer that you use the dressing room, lass."
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Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?" "No," said her husband, "but I’m gettin’ closer all the time."
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Q: What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife? A: A bachelor.
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Finnegan: "My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't seem to break her of it." Murphy: "What on earth is she doin’ at that hour?" Finnegan: "Waitin' for me to come home."
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Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
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Father Guffy roared from the pulpit to his parishioners: "Smoking has killed millions -- it coats your lungs and you die in pain. The drink has killed millions-- it rots their stomachs and they die in agony. Overeating and consorting with loose women have killed millions as well."

"Excuse me, Father," hollered Shaughnessy from the back, "But what is it that kills all the people who live clean?"
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Q: What is the definition of an Irish husband: A: A man who hasn’t kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.
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"Mr. O'Brien," asked the druggist, "Did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?" "It did surely," replied O'Brien, "but it keeps fallin' off!" ***

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(Click Today in History and learn.)

• Today in history

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Word of the Day for Saturday March 25, 2006

metier \met-YAY; MET-yay\, noun:1. An occupation; a profession.2. An area in which one excels; an occupation for which one is especially well suited.

The pairing of Maynard and Salinger -- the writer whose metier is autobiography and the writer who's so private he won't even publish -- was an unlikely one.-- Larissa MacFarquhar, "The Cult of Joyce Maynard," New York Times Magazine, September 6, 1998

In Congress, I really found my metier. . . . I love to legislate.-- Charles Schumer, "quoted in Upbeat Schumer Battles Poor Polls and Turnouts and His Own Image," New York Times, May 16, 1998

He is in the position of a good production engineer suddenly shunted into salesmanship. It is not his metier.-- James R. Mursell, "The Reform of the Schools," The Atlantic, December 1939
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below)