Chuckle 3225

Chuckle 3225
(Charley M of Bradenton FL. gets todays chuckle thanks.)

~YELLING  ACROSS THE HOUSE~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Find the 6 differences)

 

 

 

 

 

 ___________________________________________________________

 

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

____________________________________________________ 

(Maxine)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Find the six differences

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3224

Chuckle 3224
(Elva B of Coldwell ID gets today’s chuckle thanks.)

~Never Argue with a Woman ~ (Second time around) (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Laughs from Nicky’s Signs)

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book..

The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing? ‘Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.

It's likely she can also think.

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 (Maxine)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Laughs from Nicky’s Signs)

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

 

 

Chuckle 3223

Chuckle 3223 Classic
Chuckle 102 (Sent out in Sept. 2003)

(This chuckle was sent to us by Lee Ramos of Tigard, OR... Thanks Lee!)

Two Short Ones: (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Find the 6 differences,)

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.
"Give me one last request, dear, “he said.
"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
With his last breath John said, "I do!"

A man goes to see the Rabbi.

"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's
poisoning me, what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll
see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to
your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
The man said ”yes” and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison!"

 _________________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 ____________________________________________________

(Maxine)

 

 

___________________________________________________________________

Find the six differences

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3222

Chuckle 3222 Classic
Chuckle 444 (sent out in Sept. 2004)
(Carrie M in Sacramento CA gets today's chuckle thanks!)

~Vacation Condo~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Laughs from Nicky’s Signs)

Hi everybody:

We haven't said anything to anyone about this until now because we wanted to wait until things were final.

We just purchased a one-bedroom condo near Hanalei bay in Oahu, Hawaii, as an investment property.  Escrow finally closed this week and we thought you guys should know, in case anyone is interested in accommodations for an upcoming getaway to the Islands.  It's available for weekends or on a weekly basis.  For now, we will be handling bookings until we can find an agent.

Weekends will cost about $100 for 3-nights and $250 for the week. These prices are for friends and family.  Prices will be a bit different for people we don't know but can be discussed on an individual basis. In any case, it's a one-bedroom, high rise unit that overlooks the ocean, nestled among lush greens, and has a beautiful ocean view from every window!

Included is a photo.  Let me know if you're interested.

>


>


>

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 _____________________________________________________________

 (Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

__________________________________________________________

Maxine

 

             

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 _______________________________________________________________

 

(Laughs from Nicky’s Signs)

In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a second-hand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

 

Chuckle 3221

Chuckle 3221 Classic

Chuckle 232 (Sent out in Feb 2004)

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Carrie in Sacramento CA!)

The Queen: (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Find the 6 differences)
At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II.
They rode in a silver1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses.

As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well.

This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity.

Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes.

Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation.

She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets... I'm sure you understand that there are some things even a Queen cannot control."

George W., ever the Texas gentleman, replied, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something I would have assumed it was one of the horses."

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 (Maxine)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Find the six differences

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3220

(Nicky H of Florence OR gets todays chuckle thanks.)

~Chivalry ~ (Second time around) (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Laughs from Nicky’s Signs)

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.

The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

One woman, in particular, loses it.   Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.

I'm too young to die,' she wails.

Then she yells, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable!

Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'

For a moment there is silence.  Everyone has forgotten their own peril.  They all stare, eyes riveted, at this desperate woman in the front of the plane.  Then a cowboy from Wyoming stands up in the rear of the plane.

He is handsome, well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes.

He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a time.

No one moves.  He removes his shirt.  Muscles ripple across his chest.

She gasps.

He whispers  . . . 'Iron this. Then get me a beer'

_______________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

____________________________________________________ 

(Maxine)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 _______________________________________________________________

Laughs from Nicky’s Signs)

In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please return it or further steps will be taken.

 

 

Chuckle 3219

Chuckle 3219 Classic
Chuckle 136 Sent out in Nov. 2003
Thanks go to Dean and Dee of Florence, OR for this chuckle!

~The Donkey~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Find the 6 differences,)

  A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go is to say, "Hallelujah!" The only way to make the donkey stop is to say, "Amen” The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions. "Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The donkey began to trot.

"Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately. "This is great!" said the man. With a "Hallelujah", he rode off very proud of his new purchase. The man traveled for a long time through some mountains.

Soon he was heading towards a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop "Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The donkey just kept going.

    "Oh, no…'Bible...Church...Please Stop!" shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the cliff edge.  Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer..."Please, dear Lord.  Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain, In Jesus' name, AMEN."

   The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff.

      "HALLELUJAH!", shouted the man.

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

(Maxine)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_____________________________________________________

Find the six differences