Chuckle 4720 Floppy

Chuckle 4720 Floppy

Received in Mar 2001

~Women are So Bright!!~(Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Women are So Bright!

We got off the Titanic first.

We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

Taxis stop for us.

We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.  We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

If we forget to shave, no one has to know

We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear.

We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

We have the ability to dress ourselves.

We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked

we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

 We'll never regret piercing our ears.

 We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

 We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence, because they aren't listening anyway.

Send this to five bright women you know and make their day!!!  and you can even send them to your not so bright men friends, so they will know how to recognize a bright woman.

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

______________________________________________________ 

 Maxine

 __________________________________________________

 Herman

Chuckle 4719 Classic

Chuckle 4719 Classic

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Willie in Sacramento CA)

Received in July 2004

~The Blonde Painter~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint.
He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a parka and a leather jacket at the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing.
She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said.........



(I love this) ...........

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"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS"

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

_________________________________________________________

Maxine

__________________________________________________

  Herman

Chuckle 4718

Chuckle 4718

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

Once again The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

~The winners are:~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8 Gargoyle (n), olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

____________________________________________________________

 Maxine

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

 

 

Chuckle 4717

Chuckle 4717 Classic

Chuckles 601 (resent in Nov 2017)

(Phyllis H in Carpinteria CA gets today's chuckles!)

~Dogs and Cats~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

 What is a Cat? 

1. Cats do what they want. 

2. They rarely listen to you. 

3. They're totally unpredictable. 

4. When you want to play, they want to be alone. 

5. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 

6. They expect you to cater to their every whim. 

7. They're moody. 

8. They leave hair everywhere. 

CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.  

What is a Dog? 

1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. 

2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room. 

3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. 

4. They growl when they are not happy. 

5. When you want to play, they want to play. 

6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 

7. They leave their toys everywhere. 

8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. 

9. They "smell" you in such ever-so-personal ways as soon as they meet you. 

CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats. 

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

_____________________________________________________

Maxine

____________________________________________________

Herman