Chuckle 4354

Chuckle 4354 Classic

Chuckle 112 (Sent out in Oct 2003)

(Thanks for this Chuckle go to Rick and Ann of Surrey BC.)

~Her First Football Game~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

  A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. They had
great seats right behind the bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
 "Oh, I really liked it," she said, "especially the really tight pants and all of the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents."
 Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What on earth do you mean?"
 "Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Maxine

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 4353

Chuckle 4353

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Ron J of Florence OR)

~Denture Problems~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day,   Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman) A couple of old gents were golfing one day when one of the men mentioned that he was going to go to Dr. Basil for a new set of dentures in the morning. His elderly friend remarked that he, too, had gone to the very same dentist two years before. 'Is that so?' the first old gentleman asked.  'Did he do a good job? The second gent replied, 'Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when a fellow on the next fairway hooked a shot. The ball must have been going at least 200 mph when it smacked me right in the balls.' The first old guy was confused and asked, 'What does that have to do with your dentures?' The second man answered, 'That was the first time in two years that my teeth didn't hurt.' This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from  http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

_____________________________________________________

Maxine

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 Herman

Chuckle 4352

Chuckle 4352
(Today's Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

 ~Tools as explained by a retiree~ Pt 1(Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today's horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff's)
 
DRILL PRESS:

A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
 
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh-t!!'

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
 
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER:

An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.


VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.


OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire.  Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

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(Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Maxine

 



















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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff's

Chuckle 4351 Classic

Chuckle 4351 Classic

Chuckle 75 (Sent out in Aug 2003)

(For this chuckle we send thanks to Willie and Joy of Sacramento, CA.)

~A wise old farmer~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman

  A wise old farmer went to town to buy a new pickup truck that he saw advertised in the paper for a certain price. After telling the salesman which truck he wanted, they set down to do the paperwork. The salesman handed the farmer the bill, and the farmer declared, "This isn't the price I saw!" The salesman went on to tell the old wise farmer how he was getting extras such as power steering, power brakes, power windows, special tires, etc., and that was what took the price up. The farmer, needing the truck badly, paid the price and went home.
   A few months later, the salesman called up the farmer and said, "My son is in 4-H and he needs a cow for a project. Do you have any for sale?"
   The farmer replied, "Yes, I have a few cows I would sell for $500 apiece, Come and look at them and take your pick."
   The salesman said he and his son would be right out. After spending a few hours in the field checking out all the farmer's cows, the two decided on one and the salesman proceeded to write out a check for
$500. The farmer said------"Now wait a minute, that's not the final price of the cow, you're getting extras with it and you have to pay for that too".
  "What extras?" asked the salesman. Below is the list the farmer gave the salesman for the final price of the cow,,,,,,,,,,

BASIC COW......................$500.00
Two-tone exterior..................$45.00
Extra stomach........................$75.00
Product storing equipment......$60.00
Straw compartment................$120.00
4 spigots @$10 ea.................$40.00
Leather upholstery................$125.00
Dual horns..............................$45.00
Automatic fly swatter ...............$38.00
Fertilizer attachment.............$185.00
GRAND TOTAL.............. $1,233.00

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

_______________________________________________________

Maxine

____________________________________________________

Herman