Friday, May 31, 2019

Chuckle 5052


Chuckle 5052

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nancy S in Sun City AZ)

~More from Nancy~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff's)























































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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/



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Maxine






























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6 DIFF'S










































Thursday, May 30, 2019

Chuckle 5051






Chuckle 5051

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nancy in Sun City AZ)

~Why Do~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

Why do men's clothes have buttons on the right while women's clothes have buttons on the left ?

BECAUSE When buttons were invented, they were very expensive and worn primarily by the rich. Since most people are right-handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right through holes on the left. Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid's right! And that's where women's buttons have remained since.

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2.  WHY ? Why do ships and aircraft use 'mayday' as their call for help ? BECAUSE This comes from the French word m'aidez - meaning 'help me' - and is pronounced, approximately, 'mayday.'

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3.  WHY ? Why are zero scores in tennis called 'love' ? BECAUSE In France , where tennis became popular, the round zero on the scoreboard looked like an egg and was called 'l'oeuf,' which is French for 'the egg.' When tennis was introduced in the US, Americans (naturally), mispronounced it 'love.'

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4.  WHY ? Why do X's at the end of a letter signify kisses ? BECAUSE In the Middle Ages, when many people were unable to read or write, documents were often signed using an X. Kissing the X represented an oath to fulfill obligations specified in the document. The X and the kiss eventually became synonymous.

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5.  WHY ? Why is shifting responsibility to someone else called 'passing the buck' ? BECAUSE In card games, it was once customary to pass an item, called a buck, from player to player to indicate whose turn it was to deal.  If a player did not wish to assume the responsibility of dealing, he would 'pass the buck' to the next player.

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6.  WHY ? Why do people clink their glasses before drinking a toast ? BECAUSE In earlier times it used to be common for someone to try to kill an enemy by offering him a poisoned drink. To prove to a guest that a drink was safe, it became customary for a guest to pour a small amount of his drink into the glass of the host.  Both men would drink it simultaneously. When a guest trusted his host, he would only touch or clink the host's glass with his own.

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Maxine































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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s










































Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Chuckle 5050


Chuckle 5050

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Bill P of Florence OR)

~Bill,~( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

This joke reminds me of another one....

When Clinton was president he brought a little puppy into the White House.

Encountering one of the Marine guards, he said, "Look at this cute puppy I got for Hillary."

The guard replied, "Nice trade, sir."

From Ron and Jean S of West Lake.

A  preacher was riding a bicycle down the street when he sees a boy with a lawn mower. The preacher said, "I need a lawn mower and you need a bike, so why don't we swap and they did.

Later the boy was riding his bicycle down the street and saw the preacher pulling on the mower and couldn't get it to start.  The boy said "If you cuss it, it'll start."  The preacher said, "Son I'm a preacher.  I forgot how to cuss years ago."  The boy said "just keep pulling and it'll come back to you."



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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/




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Maxine

























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Herman




































Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Chuckle 5049


Chuckle 5049

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Phyllis S and Nancy S)

~Humorous Pictures~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)























































































































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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/


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Maxine






























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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s




















































Sunday, May 26, 2019

Chuckle 5048 Floppy



Chuckle 5048 Floppy

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Rick and Ann of Surrey BC)

~Jail~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.

She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen tablewitha cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought,just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.



"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?"

She asked.



"Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.



"Yes, I do," she replied.



“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"



"Yes, I remember."



"Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said,'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?' "



"Yes, I do," she said.



He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know...I would have gotten out today."



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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Maxine












Herman





Saturday, May 25, 2019

Chuckle 5047 Floppy







Chuckle  5047 Floppy

(Received in March 2001)

~$5.00~  (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

Subject: $5.00

Every morning Clinton takes a jog around D.C. Each day he passes a hooker on a particular street corner and, as he goes by, she shouts out "fifty dollars," and he replies "no, five dollars!"

  This continues for several days. He runs by, she says "fifty dollars," and he says "no, five dollars!"

One day Hillary decides that she wants to go jogging with Bill. As they are approaching the now infamous street corner, Bill suddenly realizes that the hooker will bark out her $50 offer and that he will have some explaining to do with the First Lady. As they turn the corner, Bill is still in a quandary as to what to do. Sure enough there is the hooker.

The hooker looks up as Bill and Hillary

jog by and yells to Bill, "See what you get for five dollars??"



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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/



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Maxine






























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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s























































Friday, May 24, 2019

Chuckle 5046 Classic


Chuckle 5046 Classic

Chuckle 257 ( sent out in May 2015 again)

(Today’s chuckle thanks go to Jayne C in Florence, OR!)

~The Pet Shop:~( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)


  A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the
sweetest little voice:

"Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

  And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that
he's on her level, and asks:

"Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy
black wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle brown
wabby over there?"

She in turn puts her hands on her knees, leans forward
and says in a quiet sweet voice:...............

"I don't think my Boa Constwicta weally gives a thit..




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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/




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Maxine




























_________________________________________________________________


Herman



























Thursday, May 23, 2019

Chuckle 5045


Chuckle 5045 Classic

Chuckle 603 ( Sent out as second time around in Feb 2005)

Jayne in Florence OR gets today’s chuckles thanks!

~Saskatchewan Woman~ (2nd time around!)(Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their duties.

The first man had married a woman from Manitoba, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Ontario. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a woman from Saskatchewan. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, snow shoveled, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see well enough out of his left eye to do the dishes and the laundry; and he thought by Saturday he'd be able to shovel the sidewalk.


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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/


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Maxine




























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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s
























Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Chuckle 5044


Chuckle 5044

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~Dead Horse~ (Plus:, Maxine and Herman)

Tribal wisdom of the Plains Indians:

“When you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.”


However, in government more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.
5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.
7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse’s performance.
10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse’s performance.
11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
And, of course…
13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

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Maxine































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Herman

































Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Chuckle 5043



Chuckle 5043
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Jane C of Florence OR)
~The Shakeup~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)
Feeling it was time for a shakeup, a company hired a new CEO.
The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers, and on a tour of the facilities, he noticed a guy leaning against a wall.
The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.
He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make £400 a week, why?"
The CEO said, "Wait right here."
He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy £1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now get out and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself the boss looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that guy did here?"
From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Maxine




























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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s







































Sunday, May 19, 2019

Chuckle 5042






Chuckle 5042

  (Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nancy S in Sun City AZ)

~Think You Know everything? ~(Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman


The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
(Since Venus is normally associated with women,
what does this tell you!)
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
So did the first " Marlboro Man. "
PEARLS MELT IN VINEGAR!
The three most valuable brand names on earth:  
Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but, not downstairs.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)
And the best for last.....
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
Now don’t you feel smarter?


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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

___________________________________________________________

Maxine

























_______________________________________________________________

Herman