Chuckle 5157

Chuckle 5157 Classic

Chuckle 2513   Sent out in Dec 2010
(Bev L of Mt. Vernon WA gets today's chuckle thanks.)

 

~Flying Lessons~ (2nd time around) (Also; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, and Maxine,

 My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce started and she got her license shortly before our divorce was final, later that same year.

Yesterday afternoon, she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in Southern Tennessee because of bad weather.

Thank God our kids were with me this weekend.

The NTSB issued a preliminary report, citing pilot error: Judy was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR (instrument flight rating) conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating) rating.

The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board.

No one on the ground was injured.

The photograph below was taken at the scene and shows the extent of damage to her aircraft.

She was very lucky.

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(Today in History Click)
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(Maxine  from my own collection.)

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An Airline with a sense of humor.

(From Phyllis and Chet of Pasadena CA)

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings... If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

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Turkey time is coming up!!  Have a good one!!

Chuckle 5156

Chuckle 5156 Classic

Chuckle 2563

(Nicki H of Florence OR gets today's chuckle thanks.)

~Sleepless Seattle~ (2nd time around) (Also; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, and Maxine,



A beautiful young woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into Puget Sound. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her "You have so much to live for," said the man. "Look, I'm a sailor, and we're off to Europe tomorrow, and I can stow you away on my ship.”I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."



With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted.



That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.



Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.



"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings food and I get a free trip to Europe.”

"Plus," she adds, "He's screwing me."

“He certainly is", replied the captain. "This is the Bremerton Ferry."

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(Today in History Click)
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(Maxine from my own collection.)

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(Sheila M of Rough and Ready CA sent this to

me on Apr. 3^rd 2001.)



You’re a redneck when;

You have a complete set of salad bowls that all say Cool Whip on the side.

You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler.

You've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.

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Have a good One!!

Chuckle 5155

Chuckle 5155

Today’s chuckle thanks go to Nancy S of Sun City AZ.

~A man who understands a woman~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Herman

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(Today in History Click)

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Aunty Acid

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Herman

Chuckle 5154

Chuckle 5154

Today’s chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR.

~I DIDN'T GET OLD ON PURPOSE! I~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and 6 Diff’s )

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you! I have been in many places around the world, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there





(Today in History Click)
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AUNTY ACID

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 5153

Chuckle 5153

Today’s chuckle thanks go to Bev L of Mt Vernon WA.

~Aphorism~ Part 2 (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Cartoon )

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. - - - for example, it could be the right number. (Think about this one)!!

13. No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

14.  I've reached the age where 'happy hour' is a nap.

15. Be careful about reading the fine print - there's no way you're going to like it.

16.  The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

17.  Do you realize that, in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

18. Money can't buy happiness, but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Ford.

19. After 70, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you're probably dead.

20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind, and the ones that mind don't matter.

21. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

  

And REMEMBER...."POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED 

OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON!

Live, Laugh, and love!
Life is too short to be anything... but happy. Learn to let go of what you can't change.
Life is not the way it's supposed to be  It's the way it is.
The way we cope with it is what makes the difference.
Enjoy Life - - - It has an Expiration Date





(Today in History Click)
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Aunty Acid

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From Carrie out of Facebook

Chuckle 5152

Chuckle 5152

(Today’s chuckle thanks go to Bev in Mt Vernon WA)

~Aphorism:~ Part 1 (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and 6 Diff’s )

  A short, pointed sentence that expresses a wise or clever observation.

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5.  A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a   company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9.  Stroke a cat and you will have a permanent job.

10.  No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car.

11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

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(Today in History Click)
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http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/



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Aunty Acid

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 5151

Chuckle 5151 Classic

Chuckle 2541 (In Dec 2010)

(Lora S of Florence OR gets today's chuckle thanks.)

~ Little Larry~ (Also; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, and Maxine,



A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'



******************************************************************************



Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter, asked Larry 'Giving up?'



*******************************************************************************



The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'



**********************************************************************************



Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,” Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture? "



This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

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(Maxine from my own collection.)

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(Why from Stevan S of Florence OR.)

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

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Have a good day with Porky

Chuckle 5150

Chuckle 5150 Floppy

Today’s chuckle thanks go to John C, Received in March 2001

~Surgery~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope,     Aunty Acid and 6 Diff’s )





  A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and went in

  for coronary surgery.



  The operation went well, and as the groggy man regained

  consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy

  waiting by his bed.



  "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," the nun said

  while patting his hand.



  "We do have to know, however, how you intend to pay for

  your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"



  "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.



  "Can you pay in cash?"



  "I'm afraid I can't, Sister."



  "Do you have any close relatives, then?"



  "Just my sister in New Mexico," replied, "but she's a

   spinster nun."



  "Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Smith," the nun replied. "They

  are married to God."



  "That's right..." the man said with a smile, "So bill my

   Brother-in-law."



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(Today in History Click)
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Aunty Acid

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 5149 Floppy

Chuckle 5149 Floppy

Received from John C in April 2001



~Trial~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Herman)

Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?

Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you?

Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts..

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old
legs and said to him, "Take me, young
man, Take me!"


Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Woman: Hell, no. That's when he yelled, "April Fool!"  And that's when I shot the son of a bitch!



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(Today in History Click)
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Aunty Acid 

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Herman

Chuckle 5148

Chuckle 5148

Today’s chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR.

~Paraprosdokians~(Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and 6 Diff’s )

Paraprosdokians:  First time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them. Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Sir Winston Churchill loved them).



1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ...but it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

7. Knowledge, is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of an emergency, notify..." I answered "a doctor."

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.



12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find someone older than me.

Sadly this is true!!! Spread the Laughter, Share the Cheer, Let's be Happy, while we're here.



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(Today in History Click)
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(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
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http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/



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Aunty Acid

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s