Chuckle 4169

Chuckle 552 (sent out in Jan 2005)

(Mary in Los Osos CA gets today's chuckle thanks!)

~APRONS: Bring back memories~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

(A little history about grandma and her apron.)

The principle use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath, but along with that, it served as a holder for removing hot pans from the oven.

It was wonderful for drying children's tears and, on occasion, was even used for cleaning out dirty ears.

From the chicken-coop the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.

When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids. And when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped it around her arms. Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove.

Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.

From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables.

After the peas had been shelled it carried out the hulls.

In the fall the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees.

When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.

When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron, and the men knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner.

It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace that "old-time apron" that served so many purposes.

Send this to those who would know, and love, the story about Grandma's aprons.

REMEMBER THIS:

"Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool.

Her granddaughter's set theirs on the window sill to thaw, that is if its not frozen shut for the Central Air."

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

Maxine

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Spot the 6 Diff's

Chuckle 4168

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~The Right Question~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into an uber in Glendale and laid down on the back seat.

The uber driver, an old retired Marine, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab. The woman glared back at him and said, "What's wrong with you, honey? - Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

The old Marine answered, "Let me tell you sumsing, lady.  I vasn't staring at you like you tink; det vould not be proper vair I come from."

The drunk woman giggled and responded, "Well, if you're not staring at my boobs or ass, sweetie, what are you doing then?" He paused a moment, then told her...

"Vell, M'am, I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself,'Vair in da hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?

Now, that's a REAL retiree !

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

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Herman

Chuckle 4167

Chuckle 4167

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Elva B of Caldwell ID)

~Assisted Living Center~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a  central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly so she went back to the dining area.

An hour later he still hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his room  and she found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right. She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her Old Age no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast. So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.

When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him. A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

Maxine

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Spot the 6 Diff's
 

 

 

Chuckle 4166

Chuckle 108 (Sent out in Oct 2003)

(Our thanks go to Mary of Los Osos CA for this Chuckle.)

~Driving To Slow:~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

 Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in front and three in the back.

 The driver, obviously confused, said to him, "Officer, don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replied, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

 "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit
 exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman said a bit proudly.

 The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explained to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

 A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for
 pointing out her error.

 "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this
car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't

muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asked.

 "Oh, they'll be fine in a minute or two, officer. We just got off Route
 119!"

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

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Herman

Chuckle 4165

Received in Jan 2004

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Phyllis S of Pasadena CA)

~Loss of an Icon~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

 

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass
on the following news. Please join me in
remembering a great icon of the entertainment
community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast
infection and complications from repeated pokes
in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their
respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack,
the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess
Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The grave site was
piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly
described Doughboy as a man who never knew how
much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show
business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.

He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting
much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite
being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty
old man, was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two
children John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one
in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly
father Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes
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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

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Chuckle 4164

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Willie in Sacramento CA) (Received in July 2004)

~The Blonde Painter~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as

stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint.

He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a parka and a leather jacket at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing.

She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said...

 (I love this) ...

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"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS"

 

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

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Herman