Chuckle 3723

Chuckle 3723
Chuckle 315 (Sent out in April 2004)

(Phyllis in Pasadena gets today’s chuckle thanks!)

~Singing in Church~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

 A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday
morning.

  He said, "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach.

  Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind.

  The pastor shouted out "CROSS."  Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "THE OLD RUGGED CROSS."

  The pastor hollered out "GRACE." The congregation began to sing "AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound."

  The pastor said "POWER" The congregation sang "THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD."

  The Pastor said "SEX" The congregation fell in total silence.

  Everyone was in shock.  They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything.

  Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing "PRECIOUS MEMORIES."

”GOTTA LOVE THE LITTLE OLD LADIES!!!”

(Today in History Click)
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(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
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(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Herman

Chuckle 3722

Chuckle 3722
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~Scotch and 2 drops of Water~ (Second time around) (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship And orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.'   The bartender says 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.' As the woman finishes her drink The woman to her right says 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.' The old woman says 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming up' says the bartender As she finishes that drink, The man to her left says 'I would like to buy you one, too.' The old woman says 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming right up' the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'   The old woman replies 'Sonny, when you're my age, You've learned how to hold your liquor... Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'   This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

 

 

(Today in History Click)
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(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
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(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Find the six differences;

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3721

Chuckle 3721
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Ron S of Dune City OR)

~Day at the Beach~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

A grandmother is watching her grandchild play on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea.  She pleads, "Please God save my only grandson!  I beg of you, bring him back."

A big wave comes in and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new.

The grandmother looks up to heaven and says, "He was wearing a baseball cap."

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Herman

 

Chuckle 3720

Chuckle 3720
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Ron S of Dune City OR)

~Lucky Golfer~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

Two golfers were on the 1st tee. The 1st one hit the ball.  It went

over the fence, across the ditch, hit a tire on a bus and bounced

back onto the green. 

The other golfer said "man, how did you do that?" 

The 1st golfer said "you have to know the bus schedule."

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(Today in History Click)
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http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 ________________________________________________________________

Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Find the six differences;

 

 

Chuckle 3719

Chuckle 3719 Classic

Chuckle 18 (Sent Out in June of 2003) From Anon.

 

~Parrot for a Pet~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

       A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot. It wouldn't be so much work as a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak.

   She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot.

There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00

  "Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.

   The owner looked at her and said, " Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

  The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the parrot anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then looked at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

  The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad."

   When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

  The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation.

  Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith, came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said "Hi Keith!"

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(Today in History Click)
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(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Herman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3718

Chuckle 3718

(Merry Christmas to You All!)

Chuckle 188 (Sent out in Dec 2003)

(Thanks go to Rick and Ann of Surrey BC for today’s chuckle.)

~Conway Twitty~

  The new Alabama preacher was a dead ringer for Conway Twitty. One day he decided to visit some of the church members who hadn't been to service lately. He went to the first lady's house and knocked on the door. When she answered the door, she said, "Conway Twitty!"

  ”No, ma'am," he replied. "I'm your new pastor, and I just stopped by to have a prayer with you." She invited him right in.

   He visited several more homes, and everyone thought he was Conway Twitty.

   Eventually, he came to the house at the end of the street. It turned out to be the residence of a young widow. When the Reverend knocked on her door, the young widow was taking a shower. Hearing the knock, she just wrapped a towel around herself, ran to the door and threw it open. When she saw her caller, she threw up her hands - which allowed the towel
to fall to the floor putting all her wonderful young and luscious curves on display. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "It's Conway Twitty!"

   The preacher just smiled and said, "Hello, Darlin."

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
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(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

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Find the 6 diff's

Chuckle 3717

Chuckle 3717

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Mac M of Florence)

~No Dogs Allowed~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Guy walks into a bar and trailing behind is an old, mangy dog who promptly curls up in a corner and goes to sleep as the guy is bellying up to the bar. Bartender comes over and says:  "No dogs allowed in here, you'll have to put him outside."

Guy says: "You can see he's an old dog, it's cold out there and I take him everywhere.  If he can do a trick you like will you let him stay?"

Bartender says: "Him do a trick?   That I would like to see."

Guy goes up to the dog and yells: "Navy beat Army".   Dog's ears immediately come up, he pops up, jumps on the bar, does thirteen back flips, barks out the rhythm of Anchors Weigh, jumps off the bar and promptly goes back to sleep in the corner.

Bartender says:  "That really is something - what does he do when Army beats Navy?"

Guy replies:

" How would II know - he's just thirteen years old !  "

Have a great NAVY day !

 

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(Today in History Click)
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(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
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(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Herman

 

 

Chuckle 3715

Chuckle 3715
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nicky H of Florence OR)

~A Letter to God~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the
mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

 The letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.

Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope...

Can you please help me?


Sincerely,
Edna


The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with
a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.

The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.

All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of
your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was $4 missing.

I think it might have been those bastards at the Post Office.  

Sincerely,
Edna

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(Today in History Click)
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(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
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(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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­­­­­­­­­Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Find the six differences; open clips

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3714

Chuckle 3714

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Mac M of Florence OR)

~F-117 Stealth Fighter Plane~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

The US Air Force has put the first F-117 stealth (invisible to radar) fighter in the Davis-Monthan bone yard in Tucson, Arizona.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life is what happens while you are looking at your smartphone !!

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 (Today in History Click)
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(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
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(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

__________________________________________________________________ 

 Maxine

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Herman