Chuckle 3380

Chuckle 3380
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Mac M of Florence OR)

~HAPPY HALLOWEEN!~ (Second time around)
( Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s.)

 Cabbie picks up a Nun.  She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

  She asks him why he is staring.

  He replies: "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you"

  She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.  I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

   "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

   She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:  #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

   The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!

   OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

   The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

   But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

   "My dear child," said the nun, "Why are you crying?"

   "Forgive me but I've sinned.  I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish."

   The nun says, "That's OK.  My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

 

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(Today in History Click)
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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Find the six differences;

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3379

Chuckle 3379
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Phyllis and Chet S of Pasadena CA)

~Pumpkin Butts~ ( Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

No butts about it, Happy Fall! Happy Halloween!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 (Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

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 Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Herman

 

Chuckle 3378

Chuckle 3378
(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Nicky H of Florence OR)

 

~ Check for Alzheimer's ~ ( Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.

The average person over 50 years of age cannot do it!

 

 

1.    This is this cat.

2.    This is is cat.

3.    This is how cat.

4.    This is to cat.

5.    This is keep cat.

6.    This is an cat.

7.    This is old cat.

8.    This is fart cat.

9.    This is busy cat.

10... This is for cat.

11... This is forty cat.

2... This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down, and I bet you cannot resist passing it on .

 _____________________________________________________________

 (Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 ____________________________________________________________

Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Find the six differences;

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3377
(Today’s Chuckle thank go to rick and Ann R of Surrey BC.)

~Wooden Leg Insurance~

A man and his wife moved back home to Newfoundland, from Vancouver.

The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in BC was $2000.00 a year!

When they arrived in Newfoundland, they went to an Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.

The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, "That'll be $39.00".

The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Newfoundland to insure, because it cost him $2000.00 in BC!

The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said,

'Well, here it is on the screen, it says:

*Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00.*'

I always did find the Newfie's logic far superior to most others.

 _____________________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
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 _______________________________________________________________

Maxine

 

 

Herman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3376

Chuckle 3376
(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Rick R of Surrey BC.)

~Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder are in a bar...

Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?"

Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?" Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now."

Stevie: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."

Incredulous, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?"

Stevie: "Yes, I've been playing for years."

Tiger: "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"

Stevie: "Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."

"But, how do you putt" asks Tiger.

"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice." Tiger: "What's your handicap?"

Stevie: "Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer." Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."

Stevie: "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?" Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that; OK, I'm game for that.. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?"

Stevie: "Pick a night."

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(Today in History Click)
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(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
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(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
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 Maxine

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Find the six differences; open clips

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3375

Chuckle 3375
(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Charlie M of Bradenton FL)

~ONLY IN ARIZONA ~

( Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

A lady was telling her neighbor that she saw a man driving a pick-up truck down the interstate, and a dog was hanging onto the tailgate for dear life!
She said if the pick-up truck driver hadn't been going so fast in the other direction, she would have tried to stop him.

A few weeks later, her neighbor saw this truck at the local Bass Pro Shop.

The pick-up truck driver is a local ARIZONA taxidermist with a great sense of humor!

Taxidermists are a twisted lot anyway! And it is not a dog in the 1st Place;

IT IS A COYOTE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Can you imagine how many people tried to stop this guy?

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 _________________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
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(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
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 Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Herman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3374

Chuckle 3374
(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Rick and Ann R of Surrey BC)

~ A 'Mail Order' Bride. ~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s.)

The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a 'mail order' bride.

Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true. Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be. Tom proudly said, 'She'll be twenty-one in November.' Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year- old man.

Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon. About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again.

'How's the new wife?’ asked the banker. Tom proudly said, 'Good - she's pregnant.'

The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, 'And how's the hired hand?' Tom said, 'She's pregnant too.'

Don't ever underestimate old guys.

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

 

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
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(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
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Maxine

Find the six differences;

 

Chuckle 3372

Chuckle 3372
(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Mac M Florence OR.)

~Stay~ ( Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff.)

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows

To make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,     

"Now you stay. Do you hear me?

"Stay! Stay!"

 The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde, gave me a strange look and said,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why don't you just put it in 'Park'?"

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 (Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
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(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Find the six differences;