Chuckle 3353

Chuckle 3353
(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Bev L of Mt. Vernon)

~Black Cab in London~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Nature Pic’s)

A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London.  He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because "in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel."

The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door. The Arab Muslim asked him, "What are you doing?" The cabbie answered, "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so get out and wait for a camel!"

Three cheers for the Brit Cabbie. You just gotta love the Brits---Bev---

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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nature pic’s from Rick in Surrey BC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3352 Classic

Chuckle 3352 Classic

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Rick R of Surrey BC

Chuckle 290 (Sent out in April 2004)

 

~Lingerie: ~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Differences)

 

A husband walks into Frederick's of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price, the more sheerly, the higher the price.   He opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.  He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.   While upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea.  It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing.  I won't put it on, do the modeling naked and return it the next day and get a $500 refund for myself. So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.   The husband says, "Good Lord! You'd think that for $500, they'd at least iron it!" Funeral arrangements pending.     (Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/   Maxine                                         Find the six differences ;

Chuckle 3351

Chuckle 3351

(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Rick R in Surrey BC.)

~The Light Turned Yellow~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Nature pic’s)

The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up..

He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car."

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 Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nature pic’s from Rick in Surrey BC

 

Chuckle 3350

Chuckle 3350

(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Rick R of Surrey BC)

~A Well-Planned Retirement ~ (Second time around) (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Differences)

Outside England's Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant.....The fees for cars ($1.40), for buses (about $7).

Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn't show up; so the zoo management called the city council and asked it to send them another parking agent.

The council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the zoo's own responsibility. The zoo advised the council that the attendant was a city employee.

The city council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the city payroll.

Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain, or France, or Italy, is a man who'd apparently had a ticket booth installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounted to just over $7 million dollars ......and no one even knew his name.

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 Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Find the six differences; open clips

 

 

 

Chuckle 3349

Chuckle 3349

(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~The Lady and the Bus Driver~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Nature Pic’s

A lady gets on a public bus. Without saying a word, she gestures to the bus driver by sticking her thumb on her nose and waving her fingers at the driver.

The driver acknowledges the lady, turns to her and uses both hands in the same type of gesture and waves all his fingers at her.

The woman holds her right arm out at the driver and chops at it a few times with her left hand.

Then the driver puts his left hand on his right bicep and jerks his right arm up in a fist at her.

The woman then cups both of her hands under her breasts and lifts gently.

So the driver places both of his hands at his crotch and gently lifts up.

Then the woman frowns, runs a finger up between her derriere, and gets off the bus.

There is another woman sitting in the front row of the bus who witnessed the whole exchange.
She speaks up, "That was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen on a public bus!

What the hell were you doing?"

"Listen lady," states the gruff bus driver, "the lady that got on the bus before was a deaf-mute.

She asked me if the bus went to 5th Street. I said no, we go to 10th Street. She asked if we make many stops. I told her that this was the express. She asked if we go by the dairy, and I told her we go by the ballpark. She said "Shit, I'm on the wrong bus!" and got off."

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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nature pic’s from Rick in Surrey BC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3348 Classic

Chuckle 3348 Classic
Chuckle 269 (Sent out in March 2004)  

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to (Retha in Richland OR, which is near the Eastern border of the state.) 

 

~Fred: ~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Differences.)

A law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling faster than the
posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name.
Fred," he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.

When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands, but plays along with it.

"Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

  The man replies, "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Ding-a-ling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS with VD. Well, the ADA (American Dental Association) found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the VD ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD, leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I'm just Fred."

 The officer walked away in tears, laughing so hard, and tore up the warning ticket.

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 ____________________________________________________________

Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

________________________________________________________

 

Find the six differences;

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3347

Chuckle 3347

(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Gary B of La Habra CA.)

~ An Engineer Reports to the Pearly Gates.~

  (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Nature Pic’s)

Saint Peter carefully checks his dossier and, not seeing his name listed there, he sends him down to Hell.  It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell.  He soon begins to design and build improvements.  Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators.  Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan and says: "So, how are things in Hell?"

Satan replies: "Hey, things are going great.  We've got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators.  And there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

"What!" God exclaims:  "You've got an engineer?  That's a mistake - he should never have been sent to Hell.  Send him back to me."

"Not a chance," Satan replies: "I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him!"

God insists: "Send him back or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers: "Yeah, right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?"

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 Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nature pic’s from Rick in Surrey BC