Chuckle 4196 Classic

Chuckle 606 (Sent out in Feb 2005)

(Rich C in Yuma gets today's chuckle thanks!)

~The Church Bake Sale ~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Have you ever told a 'white' lie? You are going to love this! For all ladies who bake for Church events.

Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies' group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat. She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake." So, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom ... a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and covered it with icing.  The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the church.  

Alice then gave her daughter some money and instructions to be at the Sale the minute it opened and to buy that cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake had already been sold. Alice was beside herself.   

A couple of days later, Alice was invited to a friend's home where two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon. After the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off, the cake in question was presented for dessert. Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies said, "What a beautiful cake!"  

Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess, a prominent church member, say...  "Thank you; I baked it myself." 

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

____________________________________________________

Maxine

 ___________________________________________________________

Herman

 

Chuckle 4195 Classic

Chuckle 9 (Sent out in June 2003)

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Anon)

~BAPTIZING A DRUNK~

( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff's)

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a
preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water
and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze.
Where upon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk answers, "Yes, I am." So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in
the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."
The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again but for
a little longer this time. He again pulls him out of the water and asks
again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."
By this time, the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.
When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up.
The preacher asked the drunk again, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

_____________________________________________________________

Maxine

 ___________________________________________________________

Spot the 6 Diff's

Chuckle 4194

Chuckle 404 (Sent out in July 2004)

(Rick in Surrey BC gets today’s chuckle thanks!)

~Business Sign~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

"WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS 

WITH 1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS

THAN WITH ONE SINGLE AMERICAN"

  This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Philadelphia. You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement. One would think that anti-hate groups from all across the country would be marching on this business . . . and that the National Guard might have to be called to keep the angry crowds back. 

  But, perhaps in these stressful times one might be tempted to let the proprietors simply make their statement.  We are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty and after all, it is just a sign.

  You may ask, “What kind of business would dare post such a sign?”

Answer: A Funeral Home

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

___________________________________________________________

Maxine

________________________________________________________

 Herman

Chuckle 4193

Chuckle 283 (Sent out in March 2004)

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Rick in Surrey BC)

~How a Woman Thinks~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.
The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it, "he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.
He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently.
Up to 60. "I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat." The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.
This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've
got everything I need." she says.
"Oh, really?" he inquires, "so what have you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag."
Never underestimate how a woman thinks.

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

___________________________________________________________

Maxine

 ____________________________________________________________

Spot the 6 Diff's