Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween from Mr. Chuckles

        

               

 

 

 

 

 

And next will be Happy Thanksgiving

Chuckle 4275

Chuckle 4275

From unsent Emails (received Friday, August 06, 2004 4:59 PM)

 ~Too Late~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

A young preacher was asked by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side burial service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns. Eventually, a half-hour late, he saw a backhoe and its crew, but the hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were eating lunch. The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Taking out his book, he read the service. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style. As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: "I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I ain't never seen anything like that."

(Today in History Click)
 

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http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

_______________________________________________

Maxine

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 Herman

Chuckle 4274

Chuckle 4274 Classic

Chuckle 247 (Sent out in Feb 2004)

(Dean and Dee of Florence OR get today’s chuckle thanks!)

~A Cop’s Testimony~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

   If you ever testified in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this Cop. A Defense attorney was cross examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer, do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes
lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best comeback line" and we think he'll win.

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

________________________________________

Maxine

 

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Click the clips

Chuckle 4273

Chuckle 4273

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Ron J of Florence OR)

~Seniors~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His Wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking.  And God looked down and saw that it was good.

 Then God saw there was another need. In His Wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch.

 And God looked down and saw that it was good.

 Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.

 So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it's God's will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

 Nine Important Facts to Remember as You Grow Older

 #9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

 #8 Life is sexually transmitted.

 #7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

 #6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

 #5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

 #4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

 #3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

 #2 In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

 #1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

 Don't  ignore this message. This is your only warning.

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

___________________________________________________

 Maxine

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 Herman