Chuckle 4554

Chuckle 4554 Classic ( note the 4 digit palindrome , This could be your lucky day!!

This was taken from Facebook. It was shared by Carrie M.

 Chuckle 512 (Sent out in Nov 2004)

(Rich C in Yuma AZ gets today's chuckle thanks!)

~The Silent Treatment~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.  Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.  Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."  He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.  Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.  The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM.  Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.  --Rich--

Maxine

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  Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 4553

Chuckle 4553

Chuckle 510 (Sent out in Nov 2004)

(Rick R in Surrey BC gets today's chuckle thanks!)

~I’m Fine~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Boudreaux had a bad vehicle accident caused by a truck. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Boudreaux.  "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, “I'm fine", asked the lawyer? 

Boudreaux responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the . . . . " 

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question? Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine!"? 

Boudreaux said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road . . . ."  The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine.  Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Boudreaux's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie". 

Boudreaux thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.  I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans." 

"Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her.  After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, and looked at me, and said 'How are you feeling?'" 

"Now what the hell would you say?" 

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Maxine

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 Herman

Chuckle 4552

Chuckle 4552

 (Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Ron J of Florence OR)

~Watch Out For Old Geezers~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

A big city lawyer went duck hunting on the Eastern Shore. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field. As the lawyer climbed over the fence to claim his bird, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in Washington, DC. and, if you don't let me retrieve that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes here on The Shore. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'" The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and, being the person he was, decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay you old geezer. Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

_____________________________________________________

Maxine

 

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 Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 4551

Chuckle 4551

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

Glory Hole at the Golf Course

~PEEING ON MY FLOWERS~(Second time around.) (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in awhile a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag." "Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, Officer." "Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?" "Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!' "Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?

"Not everybody pays!"

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

 ____________________________________________________

Maxine

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 Herman