Chuckle 2229

Chuckle 2229
(Bev L of Mt. Vernon WA gets today's chuckle thanks.)

~Still enjoying life at 92~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine,
and 6 differences.)


An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: 'What sins? '

Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
________________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)

1. Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from Phyllis in Pasadena )

This is the last Maxine from Phyllis S. If
You have any more new ones send them
to me . mrchuckle@oregonfast.net
---Jerry---

________________________________________________________

(Find the Six Differences, Answers below)

Chuckle 2228

Chuckle 2228
(George H of Florence OR gets today's chuckle thanks.)

~CATHOLIC COFFEE ~
(Also; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, and Maxine,


Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says ‘Your Eminence’."

The fourth Catholic man then says, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."

>


>


>



OMG



(Click Today in History and learn.)
Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from Phyllis in Pasadena )

________________________________________________________

Boys need parents

_______________________________________________________

(Have a great day)

Chuckle 2227

Chuckle 2227
(Linda M of Eugene OR gets today's chuckle thanks.)

Mule - (2nd time around)
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine,
and 6 differences.)

Curtis &Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."

Curtis &Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."

The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"

Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"


Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis &Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.

"What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"

They said,” We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do." Leroy said,” Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898."


The farmer said,” My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"

Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."

Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.
They're overseeing the Bailout Program.

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
________________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)

Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________


(Maxine from Phyllis in Pasadena )


_______________________________________________________

(Find the Six Differences, Answers below)

Chuckle 2226

Chuckle 2226
(Mr. Chuckles gets today's chuckle thanks.)




(Also; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, and Maxine,



After your big Turkey dinner be sure to drink plenty of water!
_____________________________________________________________
The Woodpecker
Might have to go!

_______________________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)
1. Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from Phyllis in Pasadena )


______________________________________________________________
Why kids need parents

Have a nice Turkey Day

Chuckle 2225

Chuckle 2225
(Phyllis S of Pasadena CA gets today's chuckle thanks.)

~INNOCENCE IS PRICELESS ~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.'

'Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque. 'Pastor, what is this? ‘The pastor said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.' Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,

'Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:30?'
________________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)
Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from Phyllis in Pasadena )


_______________________________________________________

(Find the Six Differences, Answers below)

Chuckle 2224

Chuckle 2224
(Pat M of Florence gets today's chuckle thanks.)

~If My Body Were A Car ~ (2nd time around)
(Also; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, and Maxine,

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.

__________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)
Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope ________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________

(Maxine from Phyllis in Pasadena )

____________________________________________________

Why boys need parents

Have a great Day

Chucklre 2223

Chuckle 2223
(Linda M of Eugene OR gets today's chuckle thanks.)


SENIOR HEALTH CARE SOLUTION--ACCORDING TO MAXINE

~Senior Health Care Solution~
(Also; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, and Maxine,

So you're a senior citizen and the government says no health care for you, what do you do?

Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives. Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need! New teeth, no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered.

And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.


IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?!

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
________________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)
Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from Phyllis in Pasadena )


_______________________________________________________

This is for those mother's of boys, sisters of boys, and boys that have grown older.. And anyone else who needs a laugh.

Why boys need parents...


_______________________________________________________

(Have a great day)

Chuckle 2222

Chuckle 2222 (another palindrome)
(Elva B of Caldwell ID gets today's chuckle thanks.)

~Grandpa and God~

(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine,
and 6 differences.)
________________________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)
Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine) (from Phyllis in Pasadena )




_____________________________________________________________

(Find the Six Differences, Answers below)

Chuckle 2221

Chuckle 2221
(Rick R of Surrey BC gets today's chuckle thanks.)

3x3=9

~Memories~
(Also; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, and Maxine,

Three men, all in their mid-90's, are being visited at the home by a doctor who is administering memory tests.

The doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274" was his reply.

The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday" replies the second man.

The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine" says the third man.

"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that"?

"Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htmMemories
_____________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)
Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from Phyllis in Pasadena )


________________________________________________________

Why boys need parents!

Have a great day!

Chuckle 2220

Chuckle 2220
(Charlie M of Bradenton FL gets today's chuckle thanks.)

~Indian Mating Season ~ (2nd time around)
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine,
and 6 differences.)

Two Indians and a Hillbilly were walking in the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave, and then he listened very closely until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"

He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about. Was the other Indian crazy or what?

"No,” said the Indian. "It is our custom during mating season. When Indian men see cave, they call 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening.

If they get an answer back, it means there is a girl in there waiting to mate."

Just then they saw another cave. The Indian ran up to the opening of the cave, stopped, and hollered, "Woooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately, there was an answering "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside the cave. He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then he came upon a great big cave... As he looked in, he was amazed at the size of the huge opening. He was thinking, "Oh, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!" He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" He grinned and closed his eyes in anticipation, and then he heard the answering call, "WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!"

With a gleam in his eyes, and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read..... ~NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN~

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

(Click Today in History and learn.)

Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from Phyllis in Pasadena CA )


________________________________________________________

(Find the Six Differences, Answers below)

Chuckle 2219

Chuckle 2219
(Sandy J of Florence OR gets today's chuckle thanks.)

Blonde on bus!


~Golf Balls~ (2nd time around)
(Also; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, and Maxine,

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said... “Its golf balls”

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
_______________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)

Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from Phyllis in Pasadena)

_______________________________________________________


(Have a great day)

Chuckle 2218

Chuckle 2218
(Bev L of Mt Vernon WA gets today's chuckle thanks.)

~Religious Dog~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine,
and 6 differences.)
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a Mass for the poor creature?'Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.' Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya think £5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Click Today in History and learn.)
Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from Phyllis in Pasadena CA)


_____________________________________________________________

(Find the Six Differences, Answers below)

Chuckle 2217

Chuckle 2217
(Bev L of Mt Vernon WA gets today's chuckle thanks.)

~We are so very rich!!!!~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

Silver in the Hair
Gold in the Teeth.
Stones in the Kidneys
Sugar in the Blood.
Lead in the Feet.
Iron in the Arteries.
And an inexhaustible supply
of Natural Gas.

We never thought we’d accumulate such wealth.

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

________________________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)

Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from my own collection.)

__________________________________________________________

(Find the Six Differences, Answers below)

Chuckle 2216

Chuckle 2216
(Linda M of Eugene OR gets today's chuckle thanks.)


~The Sharing Of Marriage.~ Brings a tear to your eye,--- Linda---
(Also; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, and Maxine,

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink; his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.... As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything....’

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'

She answered

(Continue below)

>


>


>


>

'THE TEETH.'

________________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)

1. Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine on Halloween)


_______________________________________________________

Why boys need parents from Pat M of Florence.

This is for those mother's of boys, sisters of boys, and boys that have grown older, and anyone else who needs a laugh. ---Pat---

(Have a great day)

...