Chuckle 3058

(Chuckle 3058)

(Linda M of Gresham OR gets today’s chuckle thanks)

~Holy Humor~ (Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute... The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

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Chuckle 3057

(Chuckle 3057)

(Linda M from Gresham OR gets today’s chuckle thanks)

~A Letter At Xmas~(Also: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and Will Rogers Sayings)

Hi Sweetheart,

I am sorry about getting into an argument about putting up the Christmas lights. I guess that sometimes I feel like you are pushing me too hard when you want something. I realize that I was wrong and I am apologizing for being such a hard-headed guy. All I want is for you to be happy and be able to enjoy the holiday season. Nothing brightens the Christmas spirit like Christmas lights! I took the time to hang the lights for you today; and now I will be off to country club.

Again, I am very sorry for the way I acted yesterday. I'll be home later.

Love you…

Her response -

Hi Honey,

Thank you for that heart-felt apology. I don't often get an apology from you, and I truly appreciate it. I, too, felt bad about the argument and wanted to apologize. I realize that I can sometimes be a little pushy. I will try to respect your feelings from now on. Thank you for taking the time to hang the Christmas lights for me. It really means a lot. In the spirit of giving, I washed your truck for you; and now I am off to the mall.

I love you too!

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(Will Rogers Sayings from Phyllis and Chet)

1. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

2. Never slap a man who's  chewing   tobacco.

Chuckle 3056

(Chuckle 3056)

(Jayne C of Laughlin NV gets today’s chuckle thanks)

Chuckle 33 (Sent out in July 2003)

~Casket Full of Money~ (Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

Just a reminder of how clever the female population can be!

   There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved
all of his money. He was a real miser when came to his money.

He loved money more than just about   anything, and just before

he died, he said to his wife, "now listen, when I die, I want you to

take all my money and place it in the casket with me. Because I

wanna take my money to the afterlife."

   So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that
when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

  Well one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the

wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they

finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close

the casket, the wife said "wait just a minute!" she had a shoe box

with her,  she came over with the box and placed it in the casket.

  Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it
away.

   Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money
in the casket."  

, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I

promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket

with him." She said.

   “You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the
casket with him?"

  I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and

I wrote him a check."

(Cash that in Heaven honey! :)

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Chuckle 3055

(Chuckle 3055

(Gary B of La Habra CA gets today’s chuckle thanks)

~A Good Bar~ (Second time around) (Also: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and Keith’s Specials)

As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in Cork at my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of these claims. The Irishman swore every word was true, but they asked,
"Did this actually happen to you?"
"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times

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(Keith’s Specials)

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65.  The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"

The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch?  Don't you see that sign right over your head."

"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "

Chuckle 3054

Chuckle 3054

(Thanks go to Dean and Dee of Florence, OR.

for this Chuckle!)

 Chuckle 152 (Sent out Nov 2003)

~ Earthquake~ (Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

   A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Mexico. 150,000 Mexicans have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock.

  Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots.

  The Japanese are sending special dog rescue teams.

  The European community (except France) is sending food and money.

  The United States, not to be outdone, is sending 150,000 replacement Mexican’s.

Here’s another silly cryptogram solution for you:

  Someone ought to market a home stitching kit for cuts, calling it “Suture Self.”

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Chuckle 3053

(Chuckle 3053)

(Keith K of Florence OR gets today’s chuckle thanks)

~Men’s Thoughts~ (Also: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and Keith’s Specials)

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A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back.  He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."