Chuckle 3400

Chuckle 3400

Lora and I will be on vacation until Dec 8^th 

 ^{Check out the archives!} --Jerry--- Alias Mr. Chuckles

(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Keith K of Florence OR.)

~Shopping at Wal-Mart~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.   The old guy says to the young guy,  "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.

The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too...I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts.  What does your wife look like?'

To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours."

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Maxine

 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Find the six differences; open clips

 

 

Chuckle 3399

Chuckle 3399

(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Nancy S of Sheridan WY.)

 

 

 

~Daddy's car in the Woods? ~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Herman.)

Little Johnny watched   his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.   Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a   passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. 'Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was   giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...'

At this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an   interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.'

At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his   story. Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw   Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he   was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.   Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and   Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do   when Daddy was away on the oil rigs...'

Mummy fainted!

Moral: Sometimes you need to just shut up and listen to the whole story before you interrupt!

 

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 Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Herman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3398

Chuckle 3398

(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Mac M of Florence OR.)

~SHINGLES ~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope,

Maxine and 6 diff’s.)

Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Kevin:

Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Kevin said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had.... Kevin said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room. A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, 'Shingles... ’ So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had.

Kevin said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'

Kevin said, 'Outside on the truck.

 

 

Where do you want me to unload 'em??'

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 _______________________________________________________

Maxine

 

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Find the six differences;

 

 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3397

Chuckle 3397
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Rick R. of Surrey BC.)

~Harley Biker~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope,

Maxine and Herman~

A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'

The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.'

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'

The biker replies, I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

..and THAT pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days...

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 Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Herman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3395

Chuckle 3395 Classic
Chuckle 295 (Sent out in April 2004)

(Mary of Los Osos sent us today’s chuckle. Thanks Mary!)

~ The Blonde's New Present~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman.)

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their  first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone.

She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.

The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband.

"Hi hun," he says, "How do you like your new phone?"

She replies, "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though."

"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"

___________________________________________________________________

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 Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Herman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3394

Chuckle 3394 Classic
Chuckle 385 (Sent out in July 2004)

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Phyllis S of Pasadena CA.)

~Oldster~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s.)

Bill, a 70 year old extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. They corner him and ask, "Bill, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?"

Bill replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"

They're knocked over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"  Bill says, "I lied about my age."

His friends respond, "What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 50?"

Bill smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."

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 Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Find the six differences;

  

 

 

Chuckle 3392

Chuckle 3392

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~GRANDFATHER of the YEAR ~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s

  A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming ...for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The granddad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy boy." Another outburst and she hears the granddad calmly say: "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy." At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Granddad says again in a controlled voice : "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William." Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says : "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his granddad." "Thanks," says the grandpa. "But I am William. The little bastard's name is Kevin."

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 Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Find the six differences;

 

Chuckle 3391

Chuckle 3391
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Mac M of Florence OR.)

~The Toilet Seat ~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Herman.)

  My wife, Julie, had been after me for several weeks to paint  the seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while Julie was out. After finishing, I left to take Care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to  the toilet seat. About that time, I got home and realized her predicament. We both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, I undid the toilet seat bolts. Julie wrapped a sheet around herself and I drove her to the hospital emergency room.

  The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this.). Julie tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, “Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before." The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them...... I just never saw one mounted and framed."

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Maxine on Thanksgiving

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Herman