Chuckle 3671

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Rick R of Surrey BC)

~Sign in the Window~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

SIGN IN A STORE WINDOW

'WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE BRITISH SOLDIER!'

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in CAMPBELTOWN, SCOTLAND.

You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement.

However, we are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty.

After all, it is ONLY A SIGN.

You may say 'What kind of business would dare to post such a sign?'

Answer:  A FUNERAL PARLOUR.

(WHO SAID SCOTTISH UNDERTAKERS HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR?)

YOU GOTTA LOVE IT!!!

=  Bless the Scots  =

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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 I ran out of Maxine’s on Halloween! (Good timing I guess.)

I have 17 for thanksgiving which I will start

later in November. And of course then some for Christmas.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Herman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3670
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~Men Teaching Classes ~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

Men Teaching Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

 REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By November 29, 2014
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups. 
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday andSunday 7:00 PM

 

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum ..
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

 
 Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PMfor 2 hours.

 
 Class 9 
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

 

 Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

________________________________________________________ 

Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Find the six differences;

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3669 Classic

Chuckle 3669 Classic
Chuckle 271 (Sent out in March 2004)

(Phyllis S. in Pasadena Ca. gets today’s chuckle thanks.)

~Cow for Sale: Rated PG~(Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

  Ole and Sven are neighbors in Minnesota.  Ole is in need of a new milk cow. He hears about a nice one for sale over the border in Wisconsin.  He drives over to Wisconsin, looks at the cow, and reaches under to see if she gives
milk.  When he grabs the teat and pulls -- the cow farts.       

  Ole is very surprised, looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, and reaches under the cow to try again.  He grabs another teat, pulls --the cow farts again.  Milk does come out, however, so after some discussion, Ole decides to buy the cow anyway.

  When he gets the cow home, he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Come here and look at dis new cow I just bought.  Pull her teat, and see what happens."

  Sven reaches under and pulls -- the cow farts.  Sven looks at Ole and says, "You bought dis cow in Wisconsin, yah?"

  Ole is very surprised and says, "Yah!, dats right, how did you know?"

  Sven says, "My wife is from Wisconsin."
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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Herman

 

 

Chuckle 3668

Chuckle 3668 Classic
Chuckle 150 (Sent out in Nov.2003)

(Here’re two from Willie of Sacramento, CA. Thanks Willie!)

~Dining Out: ~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and
6diff’s)

    A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

   The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

   After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

  The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door."

 

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~Wal-Mart Greeters:~

  Two elderly Wal-Mart greeters were sitting on a bench at the entry way when one turns to the other and says, "Slim, I'm 73 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.  I know you're about my age.  How do you feel?'

  Slim says, "I feel just like a new-born baby."

  "Really, Like a new-born baby?"

  "Yep.  No hair, no teeth and I think I just wet my pants."

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 ______________________________________________________________

Maxine

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Find the 6diff's

Chuckle 3667

Chuckle 3667
(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Keith K of Florence OR

~The Indian with One Testicle~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day,

today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle

And whose given name was 'Onestone'.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,'

If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said,

'Good morning, Onestone.'

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made

 love to her all day and all night.

He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman

named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.

Yellow Bird, who was Bluebird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.

She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love

to her all day,

Made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day,

Made love to her all the next night, but Yellowbird wouldn't die!

Why ???

OH, come on... Take a guess !!!

Think about it!!!

You're going to love this!!!

Everyone knows... You can't kill Two Birds With One Stone!!!

 

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

____________________________________________________________

 

Maxine

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Herman

Chuckle 3666

Chuckle 3666
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Sue J of Florence OR)

~ A Long Happy Marriage~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

 

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 ______________________________________________________________

Maxine

______________________________________________________________________

Find the 6 Diff's

Chuckle 3665

Chuckle 3665
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Rick R in Surrey BC)

~Dedication and Focus~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was later reported that his wife got out safely, and that he did indeed par the hole......

He says the divorce isn't going to be that bad, now that there's no house involved!

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

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Herman

Chuckle 3664

Chuckle 3664
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Holly S of Chicago Ill.)

~DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?~

 

 

This happened at a New York Airport. This is hilarious. I wish I had the guts of this girl. An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. For all of you out there who have had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. “We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.  If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "F*** You!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that, too."  ______________________________________________________________ (Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/  __________________________________________________________ Maxine             ___________________________________________________________ Today’s eye exercise. Find the 6 diff’s

 

 

Chuckle 3663

Chuckle 3663…  (This number is a 4 digit palindrome) 

(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Ron J of Florence OR)

~Latest News from California~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Reliable investigative sources in California say that radical Muslims are planning to go on a rampage in the City of Los Angeles, killing anyone who is a U.S. citizen.

Police fear the death toll could be as high as 6.

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 ______________________________________________________

Maxine

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Herman

Chuckle 3662

Chuckle 3662
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nicky H of Florence OR)

~Condom Use on an Aircraft~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

A man and a woman are seated next to each other on a flight. They start eying each other, and both realize they want to do the same thing.

He slips a condom out of his pocket, and she looks delighted. Rear toilet? He suggests. Five minutes, she agrees and goes off.

He waits five minutes, then goes and slips in there with her. Right, get that condom on, she says.

Soon, they are both sighing with pleasure.

But a sharp eyed stewardess has noticed them, and realized what they are up to, so, she humiliates them by making an announcement over the PA system.

"To the lady and gentleman in the rear toilet, we know what you are doing, and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations.

Now, please put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector."

 And what were you thinking? I worry about you sometimes!

 

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

___________________________________________________________________ 

Maxine

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Find the 6 Diff's