Chuckle 4378

Chuckle 4378

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Ron J of Florence OR)

~The Pastor’s Donkey~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.

 The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. 

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter   the donkey in another race.

The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

 This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

 The Bishop fainted. He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10. The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . . even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and just cover your own !!!

You'll live longer!

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Maxine

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chckle 4377

Chuckle 4377

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Jane C of Florence OR)

~Pt. 2 of the Blonde Problems~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

~Knitting~

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'

'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

~Blonde on the sun~

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'

The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'

The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

'You can't land on the sun, you idiot!

You'll burn up!' said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

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 (Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

_________________________________________________________

Maxine

_____________________________________________________

Herman

Chuckle 4376

Chuckle 4376

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Jane c of Florence OR)

~Blonde Problems~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’ A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff,'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take my license away, and now today you expect me to show it to you!' AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?

'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'

'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

___________________________________________________

 Maxine

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 Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 4375

Chuckle 4375

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Bill P of Florence OR)

~Senior Wit~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

 1. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

 2. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

 3. You know that “thingy ” little feeling you get when you really like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

 4. I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim” I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

 5. Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought “nap time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

 6. The biggest lie I tell myself is...”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

 7. I don’t have gray hair; I have “wisdom highlights.” I’m just very wise.

 8. Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.

 9. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have placed them on my knees.

 10. Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?

 11. Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.

 12. At my age “getting lucky” means walking into a room and actually remembering what I came in there for.

 13. I am what is called a “Seenager” (senior teenager). I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car. I have an ID that gets me into bars and the whiskey store. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant.

 14. Life is great. I have more friends whom I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names.

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

___________________________________________________

 Maxine

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Herman