Chuckle 4501 Classic

Chuckle 4501 Classic

Chuckle 504 (Sent out in Nov 2004)

(Today we have two chuckles sent to us by Rick in Surrey BC. Thanks Rick!)

~Cheese Farm~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman!

A group of Americans was traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through a process of cheese making, explaining that goats' milk was used. She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing.

These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced. She then asked, "What do you do in America with your older goats?"

A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours, or make us go play Bingo."

~Enunciate Carefully~

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it was time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical   relationship.

"How do you feel about sex?"  he asked, rather trustingly.

"Well," she says, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say I would like it infrequently."

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then looking over his glasses, looked her in the eye casually and asked . . . "Was that one or two words?"

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

_____________________________________________________

Maxine

 

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 Herman

Chuckle 4500

Chuckle 4500

Ron J and Bill P both sent this one, Thank you guys!

~New Will~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

Doug Pender lived all his life in the Florida Keys and is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him.

He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:

"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses."

"My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier."

"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center."

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bay side on Blackwater Sound."

The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Pender, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property."

The wife replies, "The asshole had a paper route."

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___________________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

________________________________________________________

Maxine

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 Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 4499

Chuckle 4499

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Ron J of Florence OR)

~Man Dining Alone~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

A  man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous  redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the  man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it  back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye  back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner  together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks...  They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.

 After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place  for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful  time..

 The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy  was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!

You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman.. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. 

> 

> 

Wait  for it.

> 

> 

It's  coming.

> 

> 

The suspense is killing you, isn't it?

She said:

‘You just happened to catch my eye.'

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

_______________________________________________________

Maxine

_____________________________________________________

 Herman

Chuckle 4498

Chuckle 4498

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Ron J of Florence OR)

~Engineers Go To Heaven~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

 An Engineer dies.. and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators.

The engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how's it going down there?"

Satan says, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God is horrified. "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here! "

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff. I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?"

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__________________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

Maxine

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s