Chuckle 4606

Chuckle 4606

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Elva B of Caldwell ID)

~Sad news from Minnesota~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins. Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Born and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man, and was considered a positive roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

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(Today in History Click)
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(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
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___________________________________________________

Maxine

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 4605

Chuckle 4605

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~Definition of "OLD"~ Pt1 (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

#1 I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.

She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?" And that, my friend, is the sad definition of "OLD"!

#2

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked "How old was your husband?"

"98," she replied: "Two years older than me" "So you're 96," the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

#3

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing

About being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

#4

I've sure gotten old!  I have outlived my feet and my teeth I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind, Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, Take 40 different medications that Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

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Maxine

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 Herman

Chuckle 4604

Chuckle 4604

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Elva B in Caldwell ID)

~How to call the police when you're old, and don't move fast anymore. ~

(Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

George Phillips , an elderly man from  Walled Lake, Michigan, was going
up   to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom   window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
 
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
 
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
 
  Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available"
 
George said, "Okay."  He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now," and he hung up.

  Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

(True Story)
Don't mess with old people

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

________________________________________________

 Maxine

_____________________________________________________

 

Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 4603

Chuckle 4603

(Short ones from Keith received in Sept 2015)

(Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.

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Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

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Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.

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The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.

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God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.

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I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.

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Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

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A spire to inspire before you expire.

~~~~~

For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us.... go ahead and delete this. For the rest of us... pass this on!

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 (Today in History Click)

http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope

____________________________________________

Maxine

_____________________________________________

Herman