Chuckle 4668 Classic

Chuckle 4668 Classic

Chuckle 294 Sent out in April 2004

(Today’s chuckle comes to us from Dean of Florence OR. Thanks Dean!)

~Last Wish~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

  The 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey
comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused.

  One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

  Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.

  "Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "please give us some wisdom before you die."

  She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her face said, "For the love of God, Don't ever sell that cow."

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

_____________________________________________________

 Maxine

______________________________________________

Herman

Chuckle 4667

Chuckle 4667Classic

Chuckle 575 Sent out in Jan 2005.

(Retha A in Richland OR gets today's chuckle thanks!)

~For the Feminine Side~ Pt. 2  ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

WIFE vs. HUSBAND; A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

WORDS; A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION; A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT; A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, “You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........    "HEBREWS"

PASS THESE ALONG. Live well, Love much, Laugh often!  ---Retha---

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

_____________________________________________________

Maxine

___________________________________________________

 Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 4666 Classic

Chuckle 4666 Classic

Chuckle 524 (Sent out in Nov 2004)

(Today's chuckle thanks go to Rick in Surrey BC!)

~Driving Funny~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

  A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
  The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60
perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
  Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly
dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
  As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over to his
wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
  The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your
radar detector went off when it did."
  As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar
detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
  Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing
your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
  The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
  The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on.  You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
  And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"
  The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

I love this part....

  “Only when he's been drinking."

_______________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

_____________________________________________________

Maxine

___________________________________________________

 Herman

Chuckle 4665

Chuckle 4665

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nancy S of Sun City AZ)

If you think about some of these you may find a chuckle somewhere.

~Thoughts~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

1. Your shoes are the first thing people subconsciously notice about you. Wear nice shoes.

 2. If you sit for more than 24 hours a day, you are dead 

 3. There are at least 6 people in the world who look exactly like you. There's a 9% chance that you'll meet one of them in your lifetime.

 4. Sleeping without a pillow reduces back pain and keeps your spine stronger.

 5. A person's height is determined by their father, and their weight is determined by their mother.

6. If a part of your body "falls asleep", you can almost always "wake it up" by shaking your head.

7. There are three things the human brain cannot resist noticing, food, attractive people and danger

8. Right-handed people tend to chew food on their right side

9. Putting dry tea bags in gym bags or smelly shoes will absorb the unpleasant odor.

10. According to Albert Einstein, if honey bees were to disappear from earth, humans would be dead within 4 years.

11. There are so many kinds of apples, that if you ate a new one every day, it would take over 20 years to try them all.

12. You can survive without eating for weeks, but you will only live 11 days without sleeping.

 13. People who laugh a lot are healthier than those who don't. 

 14. Laziness and inactivity kills just as many people as smoking.

 15. A human brain has a capacity to store 5 times as much information as Wikipedia

 16. Our brain uses the same amount of power as a 10-watt light bulb!!

I find that some of these were pretty hard to go along with! ---Jerry---

Maybe more later!

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

____________________________________________

Maxine

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s