Chuckle 5132

Chuckle 5132

(Today’s chuckle thanks go to Bev L in Mt Vernon WA)

~1956 Chevrolet Convertible~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and 6 Diff’s )

---

  A great little story about a  1956 Chevy.  If you had one or rode in one, you will remember the fun!

And, if you’re old enough, you will know the answer immediately.



===============

The owner of a magnificent 1956 Chevrolet convertible, wrote to say he had restored the car to perfection over the last few years, and sent this.

On a very warm summer afternoon he decided to take his car to town It needed gas, as the gauge was practically on empty, but he wanted ice cream, so he headed first to his favorite ice cream shop.   He had trouble finding a parking space and had to park the car down a side street. He noticed a group of young guys standing around smoking cigarettes and eyeing the car rather covetously. He was a bit uneasy leaving it there, but people often take interest in such an old and well-preserved car, so he went off to enjoy his ice cream.   The line at the ice cream shop was long and it took him quite a while to return to his car. When he did, his worst fears were realized... his car was gone.   He called the police and reported the theft

About ten minutes later the police called him to say they had found the car abandoned near a gas station a few miles out of town. It was unharmed and he was relieved. It seems just before he called, the police had received a call from a young woman who was an employee at a self-service gas station. She told them that three young men had driven in with this beautiful old convertible One of them came to the window and prepaid for 20 dollars worth of gas. Then all three of them walked around the car. Then they all got in the car and drove off, without filling the tank.

The question is, why would anybody steal a car, pay for gas that they never pumped and then abandon the car later and walk away?



IF YOU GIVE UP----SCROLL Down

 They couldn't find where to put the gas!

Old people would know this!

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(Today in History Click)
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Aunty Acid

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 5131

Chuckle 5131

Chuckle 154 (Sent out in Nov 2003)

(Another can you top this from Rick and Ann of

Surrey, BC. Thanks!)



~Christmas:~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, 
Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Herman)

The teacher, Mrs. Jones, asked each of her students  how they celebrated Christmas. She called first on young Patrick Murphy. "Tell me,  Patrick, what do you do at Christmas time?" Patrick addressed the class: "Me and my twelve  brothers and sisters go to midnight Mass and we sing  hymns. Then we come home very late and we put mince  pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to  come with all our toys." "Very nice, Patrick," she said. "Now, Jimmy Brown,  what do you do at Christmas?" "Me and my sister also go to church with Mum and Dad,  and we sing carols. When we get home, we put cookies  and milk by the chimney and hang up our stockings. We  hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents." "That's also very nice, Jimmy," she said. Realizing that there was a Jewish boy in the class and  not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she  asked him the same question. "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?" "Well, we also sing carols," Isaac responded. Surprised, Mrs. Jones questioned further. "Tell us what  you sing." "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes  home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce and  drive to his toy factory. When we get inside, we look  at all the empty shelves and sing, 'What a friend we have in  Jesus.' Then we all go to the Bahamas." ____________________________________________________________

Today in History Click)
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Aunty Acid

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Herman

Chuckle 5130

Chuckle 5130

(Today’s chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~Wisdom from Costco~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and 6 Diff’s )

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like heck.  I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample, and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - a lot cheaper than a doctor. So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample.  He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow.  Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity.  It will improve in two weeks.  Thank you for shopping @ Costco"



That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure. Joe hurries back to Costco, eager to check the results.  He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:



1. Your tap water is too hard.  Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm.  Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit.  Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant -- Twins.  They aren't yours.  Get a lawyer.

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!



Thank you for shopping @ Costco!





(Today in History Click)
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Aunty Acid

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 5129

Chuckle 5129

(Today’s chuckle thanks go to Nancy S in Sun City AZ)

~ Funny Pic’s~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Herman)

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(Today in History Click)
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Aunty Acid

_______________________________________________________________

Herman

Chuckle 5128

Chuckle 5128

Today’s chuckle thanks go to Bill P of Florence OR)

~Pondering~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and 6 Diff’s )

Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

3. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.

7. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.

8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

12. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.

13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

14. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

15. It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They're everywhere.

16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..

17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .
I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".

18. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.

20.. Have I sent this message to you before....or did I get it from you?

                                 

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(Today in History Click)
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Aunty Acid

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 5127 Classic

Chuckle 5127 Classic

Chuckle 3304 (Sent out in July 2013)

(Keith K of Florence OR gets todays chuckle thanks.)

~Just shut up man! ~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Signs from Keith)

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking Encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that She needed. Arriving home around noon one day, she was Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that His employer was going through a process of corporate Downsizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what He'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which Showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which was worth over $2 million, and informed him that they Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for more than Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex, These holdings had multiplied and these were the Results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!'

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when To keep their mouths shut

Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often. But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

(Today in History Click)
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(Maxine)

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Signs from Keith of Florence OR

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

**************************

At the Electric Company

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.

However, if you don't, you will be."

**************************

Chuckle 5126

Chuckle 5126

Today’s chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~Edna and Ralph~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and 6 Diff’s)

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.  Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.  One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

 He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

 Edna promptly jumped in to save him.  She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.  When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

 When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news.  The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.  I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

 'The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.  I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

 Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry....   How soon can I go home?'


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(Today in History Click)
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Aunty Acid

_________________________________________________

Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 5125

Chuckle 5125 Floppy

Received from John C in April 2001

~Dead Dog~(Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Herman)



A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away." "What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!" With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever.

The Retriever went right to work, checking the poor dead dog out thoroughly with his nose. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said, "Bark" (meaning "dead as a doornail").

The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, who also carefully sniffed out the poor dog on the table. As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook his head and said, "Meow" (meaning "he's history"). He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room.

The veterinarian handed the man a bill for $600. The dog's owner went berserk. "$600!  Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!" The vet shook his head sadly and explained. "If you had taken my word for it, the charge would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan..........."



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________________________________

Aunty Acid

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Herman