Chuckle 1995

Chuckle 1995
(Rick R of Surrey BC gets today’s chuckle thanks!)

~St. Peter and the Cowboy~ (2nd time around)
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A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!'

St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

'Just a couple of minutes ago...'

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(Nadine of Carpinteria CA gets today’s chuckle thanks!)

No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?

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“Have a nice day!”

Chuckle 1994

Chuckle 1994
(Bev L of Mt. Vernon WA gets today’s chuckle thanks!)

~Bus Ride~
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6 differences.)


You are on the bus when you suddenly realize you need to fart. The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop. As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod.

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(Nadine of Carpinteria CA gets today’s chuckle thanks!)

You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, all for free, every time? And you didn't pay for air? And, you got trading stamps to boot?
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Chuckle 1993

Chuckle 1993
(Jayne C of Florence OR gets today’s chuckle thanks!)

~Finally It's Done ~,
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Something I have been waiting for has finally happened!
You can expect to hear from me even more frequently now!

>

>

>

>

I finally got the bathroom remodeled!




This gives new meaning to "Going Online"...

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(Nadine of Carpinteria CA gets today’s chuckle thanks!)

When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady?

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“Have a nice day!”

Chuckle 1992

Chuckle 1992
(Phyllis S of Pasadena CA gets today’s chuckle thanks!)

Talking Dog

~Talking Dog for Sale~
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6 differences.)


A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale .' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks. 'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'

'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit.'

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(Nadine of Carpinteria CA gets today’s chuckle thanks!)

They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. . and they did it!

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Chuckle 1990

Chuckle 1990
(Rick R of Surrey BC gets today’s chuckle thanks!)

~Rescuing Oscar~
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The crew of a fast frigate was practicing the man overboard drill by "rescuing" a bright orange fluorescent dummy dubbed Oscar. The captain watched as a young lieutenant nervously stopped the ship, turned it and maneuvered into place. Unfortunately, he ran right over Oscar. Surveying the remains of Oscar scattered around the ship, the captain told the lieutenant, "Son, do me a favor. If I ever fall overboard, just drop anchor and I'll swim to you." -- Anthony Watson

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“Have a nice day!”

Chuckle 1989

Chuckle 1989
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Pat M of Florence OR!)



~New Bridge~
(Plus; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope and 6 differences.)

Ole lived across the river from Clarence who he didn't like at all.

All the time they were yelling across the river at each other.

Ole would yell to Clarence, 'If I had a vay to cross dis river, I'd come over dere an beat you up good, yeah sure, ya betcha by golly!'

This went on for years. Finally the state built a covered bridge across the river right there by their houses.

Ole's wife, says, 'Now is your chance, Ole, vhy don't you go over dere and beat up dat Clarence like you said you vould.'

Ole says, 'OK, by yimmy I tink I vill do yust dat' Ole started for the bridge but he sees a sign on the bridge and he stops to read it, then he turns around and comes back home. Ole's wife asked, 'vhy did you come back?'

Ole said, 'I tink I change my mind 'bout beatin' up dat Clarence, you know, dey put a sign on da bridge dat says 'Clarence is 13 ft. 6 in.' You know, he don't look near dat big vhen I yell at him from across da river'.

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Chuckle 1988

Chuckle 1988
(Linda M of Florence OR gets today’s chuckle thanks!)


~Computer Problems~
(Plus; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope and
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“You'll love this one.” --- Linda---

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Richard grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?''

No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like the little shit!

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Chuckle 1986

Going on vacation, see you in a couple of weeks. ---Mr. Chuckles---

Chuckle 1986
(Rich C of Yuma AZ gets today’s chuckle thanks!)



~USDA Rep. ~
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A cocky U.S. Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm."

The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field right over yonder."
The Agriculture representative said, "Mister, I have the authority of the United States Government with me. See this card? The card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand!?"

The farmer nodded politely and went about his farm chores.

Half an hour later, the farmer heard loud screams and saw the Agriculture Rep running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's huge-horned prize bull. The bull was gaining on the Agriculture Rep with every step.

The Rep was clearly terrified, so farmer immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out, "Your card! Your card! Show him your card!" ***

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