Chuckle 3447

Chuckle 3447
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nicky H of Florence OR.)

~A TRUE Super Bowl wife!!~ (Second time around) ( Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Herman.)

As woman sat down at her seat on the 50 yard line for the Super Bowl, a
man came along and asked her if anyone is sitting in the seat next to her.
"No," she said, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would
have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event
in the world, and not use it?"

Somberly, the woman says, "Well... the seat belongs to My husband he
and I were  to come here together, but he passed away. This is the
first Super Bowl we have not been to together since we got married in
'57."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that, that's terrible. But couldn't you find someone
else - a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The woman shakes her head,

"No, they're all at the funeral."

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Herman

Chuckle 3446

Chuckle 3446
(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Rick R of Surrey BC.)

~Cows From Minnesota~ (second time around) (plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Todays Horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk.

 The people did some research and found they could buy a cow up in Stillwater, Minnesota for $200.00.

 They bought the cow from Minnesota and the cow was wonderful.

 It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy.

 They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

 They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.

 However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

 The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.

 They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away.  If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side."

 The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow in Minnesota?"

 The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow.

 "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Minnesota?"

 The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye: "My wife is from Minnesota."

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 ________________________________________________________________

Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Find the six differences; open clips

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3445

Chuckle 3445
(Nicky H of Florence OR gets today’s chuckle thanks.)

~The Buttocks~ (Second time around) (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the Man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the Husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. Owing to the sensitive nature of the situation...they all agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from. After the surgery..... Everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than ever! All his Friends and relatives raved about his youthful appearance...especially his mother! One day, while alone with his wife, and overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, 'Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?' 'My darling,' she replied, 'I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.'

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 _______________________________________________________

Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Herman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3444

Chuckle 3444
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Mac M of Florence OR.)

~Exhaustion Problem~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

I couldn't help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at a bar.

One of the guys says to his buddy, "Man you look tired."

His buddy says, "Dude I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don't know what to do."

A fellow about my age (65+), sitting a couple of stools down had also over-heard the conversation.

He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says, “Marry her. That'll put a stop to your problem!

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Find the six differences; open clips

 

 

 

Chuckle 3443

Chuckle 3443 (Hey! This is a palindrome.)

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(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Keith K of Florence OR.)

~More from the Church Ladies Typewriter ~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman.)

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Still more to come at a later date…

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 ____________________________________________________________

Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

______________________________________________________

 

Herman

 

Chuckle 3442

Chuckle 3442
(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Ron S in Dune City OR.)

~3 Quickies ~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope,
Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

*************************************************************

This morning my wife asked “What are you going to do today?

I said “Nothing”

She said “but dear you said that yesterday”

I said “I know, but I’m not done yet.”

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When I was a kid,” Long distance” was a phone call.

Now it’s the path between my chair and the bathroom!

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Four pals who all had pacemakers decided to join a bowling league. Their

Team name was Arrhythms.
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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Find the six differences;

 

 

Chuckle 3441 Classic

Chuckle 3441 Classic

Chuckle 266 (Sent out in March 2004)

(Today’s chuckle thanks go to Willie in Sacramento CA!)

~ Once a Baptist---Always a Baptist: ~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman.)  John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic Neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill.    Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John, he was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore.   They decided to try and convert John to be a Catholic. They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to Church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are a Catholic."   The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved.   The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and just at supper time, when the neighborhood was setting down to their tuna fish dinner, came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill.   The neighborhood men could not believe their noses! WHAT WAS GOING ON? They called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to see if he had forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent?    The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on the grill, saying, "You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish."  __________________________________________________________ (Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/   Maxine                           ________________________________________________ Herman

 

Chuckle 3440

Chuckle 3440
(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Keith K of Florence OR.)

~Church Ladies with Typewriters ~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s.)

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:

 'Searching for Jesus.'

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things

not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile

at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

More to come at a later date!!

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 _______________________________________________________

Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

____________________________________________________________

 

Find the six differences; open clips

 
 
 
 
 

 

Chuckle 3439

Chuckle 3439
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nancy S of Sheridan WY.)

~Ole's Wisconsin Fire Insurance~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

A man and his wife moved back home to Wisconsin from Arizona.

The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Arizona was $2,000.00 a year!

When they arrived in Wisconsin, they went to Sven's Insurance agency

to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg. Sven looked it

up on his computer and said to the couple, "$39.00."

The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Wisconsin to

insure, because it cost him $2,000.00 in Arizona!

Sven turned his computer screen to the couple and said, "Well, here is it

on the screen, direct from Ole's Wisconsin Fire Insurance Company, it says:

 Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00."

I always did find Wisconsin logic far superior to most others.

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 ______________________________________________________

Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Herman