Chuckle 3471

Chuckle 3471
(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Nicky H of Florence OR)

~British Airways~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude,
the captain announced: "Ladies  and Gentlemen, this is your
captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight.
So, sit back, relax, and.........OH... MY GOD!"

Silence followed. Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you.  While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

From the back of the plane, an Irish passenger yelled.......

"For the luvva Jaysus......you should see the back of mine!"

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Herman

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3470

Chuckle 3470
(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Nicky H of Florence OR.)

· ~The Dot ~          

(Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope Maxine and 6 Diff’s.)
FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP...

   For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story. 

   When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union.  On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab, or a motel in the United States.  If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with Verizon technical support.

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Find the six differences;

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3469

Chuckle 3469
(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Phyllis L of Florence OR.)

~Tired~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope,
Maxine and Herman.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Herman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3468

Chuckle 3468
(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Nancy S of Sheridan WY.)

~Confessional~ (Plus: today in history, word
 for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

A man walked into a Washington, D.C. Catholic Church confessional. 

 He tells the priest, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned

. Last night, I killed a congressman.”

The priest responds, “My son, I'm here to forgive your sins, not to
discuss your community service work!"

 

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Find the six differences; open clips

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3467
(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Gary B in La Habra CA)

“I don't think they forgot anyone.”   ---Gary---

~THE ULTIMATE ETHNIC JOKE~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman) 

 An Englishman, a Scotsman, an  Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a
Turk, a German, an Indian, several  Americans (including a Hawaiian
and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a  Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an
Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan,  a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a
Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a  Colombian, a Pakistani, a
Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a  Pole, a Lithuanian, a
Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman  Islander, a Ugandan, a
Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an  Icelander, a Mexican,
a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an  Israeli, a
Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a  Syrian,
a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a
Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a
Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an
Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a
Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a
Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a
Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman,
a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a
Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2
Africans,


... walk into a fine  restaurant.


"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group, "but you can't come in here without a Thai."

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  (Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Herman

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3466 Classic

Chuckle 3466 Classic

Chuckle 263 (Sent out in Mar. 2004)

(Sheila M. of Grass Valley, CA gets today’s chuckle thanks!)

~Alternate Punishment:~ ( Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

  Much has been said about "tough love" for misbehaving children.

   Most of America's populace thinks it very improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control Wade when he has one of "those moments."

   One that I found very effective is for me to just take him for a car ride and talk to him.

   He usually calms down and stops misbehaving after our little car ride together.

   I've included the photo below of one of our sessions, in case you would like to use the technique.

 

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 _______________________________________________________

Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Find the six differences; open clips

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3464

Chuckle 3464 Classic
Chuckle 434 (Sent out in Aug 2004.)

(Charlotte in Reeds Port OR gets today's chuckle thanks!) 

~50 Years Together~  ( Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

A man and his wife were about to celebrate 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful and wealthy, agreed to a Sunday dinner in honor of their parents. As usual, they were all late and had a varied assortment of excuses. 

"Happy anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one... "Sorry I'm running late...had an emergency, you know how it is, didn't have time to get you both a present." 

"Not to worry," said the Dad... "The important thing is that we're all together today." 

Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom still look great Dad. Just flew in from L.A. and didn't have time to get you a present... sorry." 

"It's nothing," said the father, glad you were able to be here." 

Just then the daughter arrived. "Hello to you both, happy anniversary! I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing.... so I didn't have time to get you guys anything." 

Again the father said, "I really don't care, at least the five of us are together today." 

During dinner, the father put down his knife and fork, looked up and said, "Listen you three, there's something your mother and I wanted to tell you for a long time. Well... your mother and I came to this country penniless and desperate. Despite this, we were able to raise each of you and send you to college. We always knew we loved each other but... never got around to getting married." 

The three kids gasped and said, "You mean we're BASTARDS?" 

"Yep," said the Dad...."and cheap ones too!" 

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

 

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 

Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Find the six differences;

 

Chuckle 3465

               (Today’s Chuckle thank go to Harry M of Florence OR)

 ~Why Older Women Rule~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays
Horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

 

             

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(Today in History Click)
              http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

             (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
             www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

            (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
            http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 

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   Maxine

    

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Herman