Chuckle 3594

Chuckle 3594
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Rick R of Surrey BC)

~AIRCRAFT HITS FOUR BUILDINGS~ (Second time around) ( Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

This is tough to see. It just shows the dangers of attending these events.

Amazing photo below shows great detail.

The pilot at low level had no control over his aircraft.

It narrowly misses a crowd gathered for the air show and slams into four buildings.

One can only imagine the horror of the occupants inside those buildings.

No one was killed, but it probably scared the sh*t out of them. You might say.

 

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 

 

Maxine

_____________________________________________________________

6 diff's

Chuckle 3593

Chuckle 3593
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Rick R in Surrey BC)

~More Irish Humor from Rick. ~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses £500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.
Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife.
Who will it be?'
They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.'
Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door.
Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants.
Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost £500, and is afraid to come home.'
'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife...
'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher.

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 

Maxine

__________________________________________________________

Herman

Chuckle 3592

Chuckle 3592
(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Keith K of Florence OR.)

~Joe Died~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

Joe died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer-hunting friends, Cooter and Guber. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunt camp.

Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Joe.

'The mortician thought this was rather strange, so he brought Guber in to confirm the identity of the body.

Guber looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up; Roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Guber said, 'No, it ain't Joe.'

The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?' Guber said, 'Well, Joe had two ass-holes.

''What! He had two ass-holes?' asked the mortician.

'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody knew about it and they used to say: 'There's Joe with them two ass-holes.

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 Maxine

Find the 6 diff's

Chuckle 3591

Chuckle 3591
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Rick R of Surrey BC)

~'What Happened to You? ~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he's walking with a limp.
'What happened to you?' asks Sean, the bartender.
'Michael O'Connor and me had a fight,' says Paddy.
'That little O'Connor,' says Sean, 'He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.'
'That he did,' says Paddy, 'a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.'
'Well,' says Sean, 'you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?'
That I did,' said Paddy, 'Mrs. O'Connor's breast, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.'

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 ____________________________________________________________________

Maxine

______________________________________________________________

Herman

Chuckle 3590

Chuckle 3590
(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Keith K of Florence OR)

 ~A Bottle of Wine~ (Second time around) (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

BOTTLE OF WINE----A TOUCHING STORY ALL WOMEN WILL ADORE!

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this Is something to smile about the next time you see a Bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business Trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into The car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make A bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old Woman just sat silently, looking intently at Everything she saw, studying every little detail, Until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

'What in bag?' asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's A bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or Two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:

'Good trade.....'

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

_____________________________________________________________________

 

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

____________________________________________________________ 

Maxine

________________________________________________________


6 diff's

Chuckle 3589

Chuckle 3589
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~Ole & Sven~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Ole and Sven are drinking buddies who work as aircraft mechanics in Minneapolis.  One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Ole said, "I vish ve had somethin ta drink!"

Sven says, "Me too. Y'know, I hear ya can drink dat jet fuel and get a buzz. Ya vanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.

Next morning Ole wokes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT!  NO hangover! NO bad side effects.  Nothing!

The phone rings. It's Sven who asks "How iss you feelin dis mornin?"

Ole says, "I feel great. How bout you?"

Sven says, "I feel great, too. Ya don't have no hangover?"

Ole says, "No dat jet fuel iss  great stuff -- no hangover, nothin. Ve oughta do dis more often."

Sven agreeds"Yeah, vell, but dere's yust vun ting."

Ole asks, "Vat's dat?"

Sven questions, "Haff you farted yet?"

Ole stops to think. "No "

Sven says "Vell, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Iowa."

 

This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 

Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Herman

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3588

Chuckle 3588
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nicky H of Florence OR)

~Irish Furniture Dealer~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house. Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table asked him  something in French (which Murphy could not understand), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her. After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.

She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up. Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.

To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business!

 This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

 ___________________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 

Maxine

________________________________________________________________

Find the 6 diff's

Chuckle 3587

Chuckle 3587
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~Money Matters~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays
horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"             "No," said her husband.    She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of  her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft,  silky push-up bra,and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.    She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"     "Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.  She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and  seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties... and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill, and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.    "Now," she said, "have you ever seen $70,000 dollars all crumpled up?"  He said  "No!, trying to hide his arousal. She said ..... "Check the garage."      ************************************************************                          Women are Evil ________________________________________________________________ (Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/ _________________________________________________________________ Maxine   ____________________________________________________________________ Herman

Chuckle 3586

Chuckle 3586

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Mac M of Florence OR.)

~Pharmacist's Morning~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

Did you ever have "one of those days"?

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist.  He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.  I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it.

This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys."

"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire."

"When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up.  I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."

He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor

I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing.  When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke."

"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it.

It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.

And believe me, mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her."

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

_____________________________________________________________ 

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

_____________________________________________________________________ 

Maxine



________________________________________________________________

























 




















 

Chuckle 3585

Chuckle 3585 Classic
Chuckle 297 (sent out in June 2003)

(Nadine of Carpinteria CA gets today’ chuckle thanks!)

~Land of Milk and Honey~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

  A Mexican family crosses the border to the Land of Milk and Honey where the streets are paved with gold. But the husband can find no work.

  His family is hungry, so he takes a walk to a quiet place at the foot of a big hill, kneels at the base of a tree, and begins to pray:
"Sweet Jesus, please show me a way to feed my family..." Eyes
closed, the Mexican does not see the Black man coming over the top of the hill, who is struggling with a broken grocery sack and loses a wheel of cheese.

   When the Mexican man opens his eyes, the large wheel of cheddar cheese from the Black man's grocery bag rolls down the hill and lands at the Mexican's feet! "Oh, thank you Jesus, thank you!" he cries, grabs the cheese, and runs straight home.

  Upon returning home, he gives the cheese to his wife and instructs her to make nachos.
"But wouldn't you rather have cheese enchiladas and burritos and
other things?" she inquires.

  "No," the husband says, "Jesus sent this to me with a message... As I ran home, I kept hearing a voice yelling, ‘THAT'S NACHO CHEESE ‘"

 

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 ______________________________________________________________

Maxine

 

 

__________________________________________________________

 

Herman