Chuckle 4042

Chuckle 4042
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~Jonny is Still at It~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Johnny's teacher asked her class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating." ...

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate,' not 'fascinating'."

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate'."

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!"

The teacher sat down and cried.

 

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 __________________________________________

Maxine

______________________________________________________

Herman

Chuckle 4041

Chuckle 4041
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Elva in Coldwell ID)

~Sunday Afternoon Flight~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and an old preacher were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane.
 
Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.  In spite of the best
efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down.  Finally, the pilot
grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better
jump, and he bailed out.

  Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.  The doctor

grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I saves lives, so I must live, "and he
jumped out.

  The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world.  I deserve to live."  He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

  The old preacher looked at the little boy and said,: My son, I've lived a long  and full life.  You are young and have your whole life ahead of you.

Take the last parachute and live in peace the little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said,

  "Don't worry, reverend, The smartest man in the world just jumped out with my back pack.

 _________________________________________________

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___________________________________________

Maxine

 
 
 
 
 
 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Spot the 6 diff's

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 4040

Chuckle 4040
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~"Get out of the car - NOW!!" ~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Get out of the car - NOW!!

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car - NOW!!" The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her own car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

Moral of the story?  If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable!

 

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___________________________________________________ 

Maxine

______________________________________________________

Herman 1-29

Chuckle 4039 Classic

Chuckle 4039 Classic

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Willie in Sacramento CA)

Chuckle 305 (Sent out in April 2004)

(Today’s chuckle thanks go to Willie in Sacramento!!)

~A Smart Little Girl~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

  Every woman's dream...A teacher asked her class, "What do you
want out of life"?

  A little girl in the back raised her hand and said, "All I want out of
life is four animals,"

  The teacher asked "Really? And what four animals would that
be"?

  The little girl replied, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in bed and a jackass to pay for all of it."

  The teacher fainted.
_____________________________________________________

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 _______________________ 

 

 

 

 

 

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Spot the 6 Diff's

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 4038

Chuckle 4038

Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Holly S of Chicago ll)

~Man of the House~ (Second time around.) (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

_________________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
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 ___________________________________________________

Maxine

_____________________________________________________

Herman

Chuckle 4037

Chuckle 4037
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to George H of Florence OR)

~The Irish Fisherman~(Second time around.) (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of an Irish pub. An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end                                        and jiggled it up and down in the water.

A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.
'Fishing,' replied the old man.
'Poor old fool' thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.

Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky,

the gentleman asked, “And how many have you caught?'
‘You're the eighth’.

__________________________________________________________

 

(Today in History Click)
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 ____________________________________________________

Maxine 

__________________________________________________________

Spot the 6 Diff's

Chuckle 4036

Chuckle 4036
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~Part 2 of living in the south~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!

Jawl-P? means, Did you all go to the bathroom?

People actually grow, eat and like okra.

Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do that.

There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.

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_________________________________________________ 

Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_______________________________________________________

 

Herman

 

 

 

Chuckle 4035

Chuckle 4035
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Bev L in Mt Vernon WA)

~Part 2 of Blonde men Jokes~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".
The blond man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".

------------------------------------

A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

------------------------------------

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", he shouts, "this is her husband!"

------------------------------------

A blond man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve
to avoid a tree, then another, and then another.
A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the
road.
The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"

____________________________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
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_______________________________________________ 

Maxine

___________________________________________________

Spot the 6 Diff's

Chuckle 4034

Chuckle 4034

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~Hollywood Squares~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman + one of Phyl’s Cartoons)

Hollywood Squares: These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..

 

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?

A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

 Q. Do female frogs croak?

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

 Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

 Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

 Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

More at a later date

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 ___________________________________________________

Maxine

_______________________________________________________

Herman

______________________________________________________

Phyl's Cartoon

Chuckle 4033

Chuckle 4033
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR

~Good, Bad and Ugly~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diffs)

Good : Your wife is pregnant.
Bad : It's triplets.
Ugly : You had a vasectomy five years ago.

Good : Your wife's not talking to you
Bad : She wants a divorce.
Ugly : She's a lawyer.

Good : Your son is finally maturing.
Bad : He's involved with the women next door.
Ugly : So are you.

Good : Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad : You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly : You're in them.

Good : Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad : You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly : Your daughter borrowed them.

Good : Your husband understands fashion.
Bad : He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly : He looks better than you.

 __________________________________________________________

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 ___________________________________________________________

Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_________________________________________________

Spot the 6 Diff's

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 4032

Chuckle 4032
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Bev L of Mt. Vernon WA)

~BLONDE MEN JOKES!!!~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

A friend told the blonde man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blonde man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

----------------------------------

Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police
station.
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

------------------------------------

A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the
next time you & your wife are in the bedroom.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blond man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I
wasn't even at home yesterday."
------------------------------------

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the
shampoo?"
He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've
just wet mine."

_______________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
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 ____________________________________________

Maxine

___________________________________________________


Herman

Chuckle 4031

Chuckle 4031
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~THINGS I LEARNED LIVING IN THE SOUTH~

( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.

If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

Onced and Twiced are words.

More Later

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(Today in History Click)
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__________________________________________________ 

Maxine

________________________________________________________

Spot the 6 Diff's

Chuckle 4030

Chuckle 4030
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Phyllis S of Pasadena CA)

~Senile Seniors~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine Do you remember and Herman)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally ."
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money -
fifty thousand dollars!  
Andy said, "We've got to give it back."    Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. "Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"
Sally said, "No".  Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic.
Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile"
The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said: "Tell us the story from the beginning."    Andy said,

"Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ...."
The first police officer turned to his partner and said, "We're outta here!"

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(Today in History Click)
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 __________________________________________________

Maxine

________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

Herman