Chuckle 4066

Chuckle 4066
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Bev L in Mt Vernon WA)
~Italian Golfer ~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Silvio, an 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, 'how do you stay in such great physical condition?'

I'm Italian and I am a golfer,' says Silvio, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of vino, and all is well.'

"'Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died?'

'Who said my Father's dead?'

The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your Father's still alive. How old is he?'

'He's 100 years old,' says Silvio. 'In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little vino and that's why he's still alive. He's Italian and he's a golfer, too.'

'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Father's Father? How old was he when he died?'

'Who said my Nonno's dead?'

Stunned, the doctor asks, 'you mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible, how old is he?'

'He's 118 years old,' says the Old Italian golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?'

'No, Nonno couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.'

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married? Why would a 118 year- old guy want to get married?' 'Who said he wanted to get married?"

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(Today in History Click)
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http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Herman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 4065

Chuckle 4065
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nicky H of Florence OR)

~ITALIAN MOTHER~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

        Giuseppe excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married.
   
      He says, "Just for fun, Mama, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."  The mother agrees.
   
      The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house, sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
   
      He then says, "Okay, Mama, guess which one am I going to marry?"
      Mama says immediately, "The one on the right."
      "That's amazing, Mama.  You're right.  How did you know?"
     

       Mama replies:  "I don't like her.

 

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(Today in History Click)
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Maxine

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Find the 6 Diff's

Chuckle 4064

Chuckle 4064
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Elva B of Caldwell ID)

~Super Bowl Experience~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

  Steve had 50-yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty.

He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.

"No", the man replied, If you must know, the seat if empty.

“This is incredible”, said Steve.  "who in their right mind would have a

seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the

nation and not use it?"

   The man replied, "Well, actually, the set belongs to me.  I was

supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.  This will be

the first Super Bowl we haven't been  together since we got married

in 1967."

  :Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.  That's terrible.  But couldn't you find

someone else -  a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take her

seat?"

The man shook his head.  "No, they're all at the funeral."

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

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(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

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Herman

Chuckle 4063

Chuckle 4063
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~BURGLARY IN FLORIDA~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

(You just can't make this stuff up!!) When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich's house was burglarized recently, thieves ignored his wide screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left his Rolex watch.

What they did take, however, was a white box filled with a grayish-white powder. (That's the way the police report described it.)

A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said that it looked similar to high grade cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit the big time.

Later, Nathan stood in front of numerous TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: 'Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago.'

The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep. The white box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained.

Scotch taped to the box was this note which said: "Hoochie sold us the bogus blow so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day."

And you thought California was the land of fruits and nuts.

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Spot the 6 Diff's

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Chuckle 4062

Chuckle 4062

(From Bev L in Mt Vernon WA)

~Where are your Glasses???   Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again, asking why  I didn't do something useful with my time.   “Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing?” I asked. Her talking about my "doing something-useful" seems to be  her favourite topic of conversation.  She was "only thinking of me", she said and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the gals. I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a  prank on her.   I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club.   She replied, "Are you nuts? You are 78 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.   She immediately telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief,  Mom, where are your glasses?!     This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a   Parachute Club."   "Oh man, I'm in trouble again,” I said, “I really don't know what to do. I signed up for five jumps a week!!"   The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone  and said that my daughter had fainted. Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be ever so much fun ...............    ________________________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
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(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

____________________________________________________

Herman

Chuckle 4061

Chuckle 4061
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Jane C of Florence OR)

~A Catholic Story~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

An old nun, who was living in a convent next to a construction site, noticed the coarse language of the


workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.

And so, she decided she would take her lunch and sit with the workers.

She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.

Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked: "And, do you men know Jesus Christ?"

They shook their heads and looked at each other, very confused...

One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"

One of the steelworkers yelled down, "Why?"

The worker yelled back, “‘Cause his mom's here with his lunch."

 

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(Today in History Click)
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(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
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 _________________________________________________

Maxine

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Spot the 6 diff's

 

Chuckle 4060 Classic

Chuckle 4060 Classic
Chuckle 465 (Sent out in Sept 2004)
(Jayne C in Florence OR gets today's chuckle thanks!)

~A Thank You Note~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

 Dear Safety Harbor Middle School:

  God bless you for the beautiful radio won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said kiss my ass.

 

Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely, Edna Walters

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

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Herman

Chuckle 4059 Classic

Chuckle 4059 Classic
Chuckle 454 (Sent out in Sept 2004)

 (Charlotte P in Reeds Port OR gets today’s chuckle thanks!)

 ~Underwear Always~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

 Underwear Is Important! Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle...

 From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.

 The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.

 Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.

 On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.

 The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 

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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Spot the 6 diff's

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 4058

Chuckle 4058
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Gary B of La Habra CA)

~Nursing Home Adventure~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Three old ladies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then an old man walked by, and one of the old ladies said, "We bet we can tell how old you are."

 The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it."

One of the old ladies said, "Sure we can. Drop your pants!" He did. The three ladies looked at him for a few moments and then the other lady said, "Take off your underwear."

  The guy dropped his underwear and the old ladies stared at him for a while longer and then they all piped up and said, "You're 84 years old!"

 The old man was stunned. "Amazing. How did you guess that?" The old ladies laughed, "You told us yesterday."

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 ______________________________________________________

Maxine

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Herman

Chuckle 4057

Chuckle 4057
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Bev L of Mt. Vernon WA)

~Love those Newfies~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

A person of color and a Newfie go into a pastry shop in north Edmonton.

The black guy whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice.

The black guy says to the Newfie, "You see how clever we are? You Newfies can never beat that!"

The Newfie says to the black guy, "Watch dis, any Newfie is smarter din you, and I'll prove it to ya."

He says to the baker, "Gimme a cookie, I'll show ya a magic trick!" The baker gives him the cookie, which Newfie promptly eats.

Then he says to the baker, "Gimme anudder cookie for me magic trick." The baker is getting suspicious, but he gives it to him. He eats this one too.

Then he says again, "Gimme one more cookie..." The baker is getting angry now, but gives him one anyway. The Newfie eats this one too.

Now the baker is really mad, and he yells, "OK... And now where is your famous magic trick?"

The Newfie says.... " Now look in the black guy's pocket!"

 

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

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Spot the 6 Diff's