Chuckle 3148

Chuckle 3148
(Bev L of Mount Vernon WA gets today’s chuckle thanks.)

 

~Leather Dress~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Find the 6 differences,)

Did You Know This About Leather Dresses?? Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, and his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he thinks irrationally? Ever wonder why?

 It's because she smells like a N e w T r u c k

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(Today in History Click)
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_______________________________________________________ 

(Maxine)

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Find the six differences

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3147

Chuckle 3147

(Phyllis and Chet S of Pasadena CA gets todays chuckle thanks.)

~Kevin had Shingles~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Quick comebacks )

Kevin had shingles. Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Kevin:

Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Kevin said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had... Kevin said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had.

Kevin said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?' Kevin said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'

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(Today in History Click)
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 ___________________________________________________

(Maxine)

 

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Quick comebacks from Phyllis and Chet

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now We Know Why He Was a General -----

 In an recent interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.
 His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.
 The General said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function... OUR job is to arrange the meeting."

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3146

Chuckle 3146

(Charlie M of Bradenton FL gets today’s chuckle thanks.)

~Growing Older~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Find the 6 differences,)

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,

"I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked

'NO REFILLS'."

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(Today in History Click)
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 __________________________________________________________

(Maxine)

_______________________________________________________

Find the six differences

 

 

Chuckle 3145

Chuckle 3145 (Classic)

Chuckle 562 (sent out in Jan 2005)
(Rick in Surrey BC gets today's chuckle thanks!)

~The End is Near~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Find the 6 differences,)

A priest and a pastor from the local churches are standing by the side of the road, pounding a sign into the ground that reads:

"The End Is Near!

                                  Turn Yourself Around Now Before It's Too Late!"
As a car sped past them, the driver yelled, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"
From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.
The pastor turns to the priest and asks, “Do you think the
sign should just say,  "Bridge Out?"

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___________________________________________________________

(Maxine)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_______________________________________________________

 

Find the six differences.

 

 

 

Chuckle 3144

Chuckle 3144

(Charlie M of Bradenton FL gets todays chuckle thanks.)

~Buggy Problems~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Best Blonde chuckle)

An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her.

"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."
"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady.
"I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home."
“Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles.
Some people might consider this cruelty to animals so you should have your husband check that too."
"Again I thank thee. I shall have my husband  check this when I get home.
“True to her word, when the Amish lady got home, she told her husband about the broken reflector.
He said he would put a new one on immediately.
“Also," said the Amish woman, "the policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake."

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 _____________________________________________________

(Maxine)

 

 

 

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Lora’s best blonde chuckles

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'

 

Chuckle 3143

Chuckle 3143

(Rick and Ann of Surrey BC gets todays chuckle thanks.)

~Murphy from Dublin~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Find the 6 differences,) A little long but an easy read!

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table; asked him something in French (which Murphy couldn't understand); so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.

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(Maxine)

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Find the six differences

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3142

Chuckle 3142

(Phyllis and Chet of Pasadena CA gets todays chuckle thanks.)

~Senior Drivers~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and blond stories)

My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that  came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front  lawn.

He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.

"My goodness," he said with excitement, "you appear quite elderly to be driving."
"Well, yes, I am,” she replied proudly.  "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need a driver's license anymore The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's license.  I told him yes and handed it to him.  He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the wastebasket, saying, 'You won’t need this anymore,' so I thanked him and left!"

(Today in History Click)
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(Maxine)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Blonde stories from Lora!

A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, 'why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold..'

'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?

'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot and cold things Cold,' she replied..

Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'

The blond replied...... ...'Two popsicles and some coffee.'

+++++++++++++

Chuckle 3141

Chuckle 3141 (Classic chuckle 555)

(Mary of Los Osos CA gets todays chuckle thanks.)

~Kids' Advice to Kid's~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Find the 6 differences,)

Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick, age 10 

When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer. - Hannah, age 9 

Never tell your mom her diet's not working. - Michael, age 14 

Stay away from prunes. - Randy, age 9 

Never pee on an electric fence. - Robert, age 13 

Don't squat with your spurs on. - Noronha, age 13 

Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to. - Emily, age 10  

When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. - Taylia, age 11 

(Today in History Click)
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(Maxine)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Find the six differences.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3140

Message to the chuckle circle: Lora and I will be leaving Monday for a 2 week
Vacation, so don’t be looking for your daily chuckles until around the 22nd. Also
I’m having my PC worked on while we’re gone. I’m having my tech (Jep Norwood) install windows 7, office 2010, and outlook 2010. I’ll let you know later how it’s working out. Hawaii and Tahiti here we come! ---Jerry and Lora---


(Chuckle 3140)
(Phyllis and Chet of Pasadena CA gets today’s chuckle thanks)

~Slight miscommunication~ (Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)


Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really
doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be
careful.'
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(Maxine Cartoon)

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(Find the six differences, answers below)