Sunday, March 30, 2014

Chuckle 3498
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Rick R of Surrey BC.)

~A prayer for Leroy~ (Second time around) (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Herman)
"Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward to the front at the altar," the Preacher says.

 Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn the preacher asks, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you."

 Leroy replies, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head, and prays and prays and prays; he prays a blue streak for Leroy.

 After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend, it ain't til next Wednesday!"

 
____________________________________________________________
 
(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

_________________________________________________________ 

Maxine



 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
____________________________________________________
 
Herman



























Saturday, March 29, 2014

Chuckle 3497

Chuckle 3497
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Gary B from La Habra CA)

  ~ And then there is this story:~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s

Another good speeding ticket story is the one about the eighty year old geezer that went out and bought a brand new Corvette, just because he always wanted one.

He's out driving down the freeway at about 80 miles an hour and thinks to himself, "I wonder what this baby will do?"  He floors it.  110…120…130 miles an hour and he is flying down the freeway, when a Highway Patrol Officer spots him and gives chase.  When the old man sees the flashing lights and hears the siren behind him, he comes to his senses and thinks, "What the heck am I doing?"

He slows down and pulls over and stops. The officer walked up to the car and the guy rolled down his window.  "You were kinda driving a little fast there grandpa, and I had a heck of time catching you.  Now its 4:45 on a Friday afternoon and I get off at 5:00 o'clock, now if you can give me one good reason why you were speeding so fast, I'll just give you a warning and let you go.

The old man thought for a minute and then he said, "Well Officer, my wife ran off with a Highway Patrolman about twenty years ago, and I thought you were bringing her back!  The officer closed his ticket book, laughed and said, "Have a nice day."
______________________________________________________________________
 

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 ______________________________________________________________

Maxine



 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
________________________________________________________
 
Find the six differences;

 






















 

 

Friday, March 28, 2014

Chuckle 3496

Chuckle 3496 Classic
Chuckle 450 (Sent out in Sepy.2004)

(Today's chuckle thanks go to Phyllis S of Pasadena CA!)

Communication Problems~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman.)

A Swedish lady married an English gentleman and they lived happily in London.  However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.  The butcher got the message and the lady went home with chicken legs.

The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts.  Again, she didn't know how to say it, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast.  The lady got what she wanted.

The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausage links.  Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store.

(Please scroll down the page down)



 
 
 
 
 
What were you thinking?

Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!!!!

 

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 

Maxine



 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
________________________________________________________________
 
Herman


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Chuckle 3495

Chuckle 3495
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Mac M of Florence OR)

~ History lesson: California~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)



 

 

                                          
Do you know what happened 164 years ago this summer....September 9, 1850? California became a state!
 The people had no electricity. The state had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights
in the streets.
 So basically NOTHING has changed except, then the women had real boobs and the men didn't hold hands.
 That, my friends, is the history lesson for today. 
 _________________________________________________________
(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/
 
Maxine

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Find the six differences ; open clips
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 

 

 

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Chuckle 3494

Chuckle 3494
(Today’s Chuckle thanks goes to Keith K of Florence and Nancy s of Sheridan WY.)

~State-of-the-Art Wristwatch~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman.)

A very confident Navy Pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

The Pilot says, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."

The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"

The Fighter Pilot smirks, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast."

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/
____________________________________________________________
 
Maxine



 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
______________________________________________________
 
Herman


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Chuckle 3493


Chuckle 3493

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Gary B in La Habra CA)

~Jewish Cab Driver~ ( Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff”s

 A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City and laid down on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, "What's wrong with you, honey? - Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

The old Jewish driver answered, "Let me tell you sumsing, lady I vasn't staring at you like you tink; det vould not be proper vair I come from."

The drunk woman giggled and responded, "Well, if you're not staring at my boobs or butt sweetie, what are you doing then?"

He paused a moment, then told her..."Vell, M'am, I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself, 'Vair in da hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride? Now, that's a REAL Businessman!

 _____________________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

_________________________________________________________ 

Maxine




Find the six differences;

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Chuckle 3492

Chuckle 3492
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~HOLY E-MAIL ~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on...

So He called His angels and sent one to earth for a time.

When the angel returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not. God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.'

So God called another angel and sent her to earth for a time.

When the angel returned she went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good...'

God was not pleased.

So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because He wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the e-mail said?
Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.

 

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______________________________________________________
 
(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 _____________________________________________________

Maxine



 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
______________________________________________________
 
Herman


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Chuckle 3491


Chuckle 3491

~WICOE~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 diffs )

(Women In Charge Of Everything)

Is proud to announce the opening of its EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN! OPEN TO MEN ONLY ALL ARE WELCOME

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS? Round table discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES? Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS Starting with looking in the right place Instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum

DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN? Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS? Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR WIFE Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME Individual counselors available

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

 

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/


 

Maxine



 












Find the six differences;