Chuckle 5578

Chuckle 5578 (Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR) ~Ooops~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign)

_____________________________________________________________ (Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/ ______________________________________________________________

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Chuckle 5577

Chuckle 5577 Classic Chuckle 706 sent in 2005 (Jayne C in Florence OR gets today's chuckle thanks!) ~Flirtatious Old Gal~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign ) I have become a little older since I saw you last, and a few changes have come into my life since then. Frankly, I have become a flirtatious old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen every day. As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go to see John. Then Charlie Horse comes along, and when he is here he takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint. After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life! Oh yes, I'm also flirting with Al Zymer. Love, Your Old Friend P.S. The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him, "Oh I do it all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or in the garage, I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?" ___________________________________________________________________ (Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/ ________________________________________________________________

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Chuckle 5576

Chuckle 5576 (Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nancy in Sun City AZ) ~ Son’s Email~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Herman ) _________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________ (Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/ __________________________________________________________________________

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Chuckle 5575

Chuckle 5575 Classic Chuckle 704 June 2005 (Today's chuckle thanks go to Phyllis H in Carpinteria CA!) ~Grandma's Letter ~(2nd time around) (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign) The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that LOTS of people love Jesus. Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and when he leaned out of his window and screamed, "for the love of God, GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus. Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing, why even he was enjoying this religious experience. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks! _____________________________________________________ (Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/ _______________________________________________________

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Chuckle 5574

Chuckle 5574 Classic Chuckle 703 June 2005 (Pam in Roseville CA gets today's chuckle thanks!) ~Mother Teresa ~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and 6 Diff’s ) When Mother Teresa died and went to heaven, God greeted her at the Pearly Gates. "Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asked God. "I could eat," Mother Teresa replied. So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of rye bread and they began to share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looked down into Hell and saw the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, and pastries. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet. The next day God again invited her to join him for a meal. Again, it was tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa could see the denizens of Hell enjoying lamb, turkey, venison, and delicious desserts. Still she said nothing. The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. She couldn't contain herself any longer. Meekly, she asked, "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand it..." God sighed. "Let's be honest Terry," he said, "For just two people, it doesn't pay to cook." _____________________________________________________ (Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/ _______________________________________________________

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Chuckle 5573

Chuckle 5573 (Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Bev L of Mt Vernon WA) ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid )

___________________________________________________ (Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/ _______________________________________________________

Chuckle 5572

Chuckle 5572 Classic Chuckle 701 Sent out in June of 2005 (George H in Florence OR gets today's chuckle thanks!) ~BBQ....Women Just Don't Get It!!!!!!!!!~ (Plus 6 differences) BBQ -- It's the only type of cooking a real man will do. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: 1) The woman buys the food. 2) The woman makes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. 3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill -- beer in hand. Here comes the important part . 4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL. More routine.... 5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery. 6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation. Important again . 7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN. More routine..... 8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table. 9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. And most of all . 10) Everyone PRAISES the man and THANKS him for his cooking efforts. 11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women! Go figure!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _______________________________________________________ (Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/ _______________________________________________________

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Chuckle 5571

Chuckle 5571 Classic Chuckle 700 (Charlotte of Reedsport OR gets today's chuckle thanks!) ~Killer Biscuits~ (Plus 6 differences) KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (The actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to her car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay. Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gun shot and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She had initially passed out, but quickly re-covered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. And yes, Linda is a blonde. _______________________________________________________________________ (Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/ ____________________________________________________________________

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Chuckle 5570

Chuckle 5570 Classic Mad Wife Disease A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine. "What was that for?" he asked. "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it," she replied. "Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained. "Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation." Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What the hell was that for?" She replied, "Your horse called." This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/ _______________________________________________________________

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Chuckle 5569

Chuckle 5569 (Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nancy in Sun City AZ) The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO. Thought for the day . . . There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. And . . . if you don't send this to five friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing today. _________________________________________________________________ (Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/ __________________________________________________________________

Chuckle 5568

Chuckle 5568 Classic ~Lost on the golf Course~ Received in July 2004 (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign ) A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said, "Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on." She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6". He thanked her and continued playing golf. Later he got lost again. He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed. "I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell me what hole I'm on." She told him "you are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you 13." Again he thanked her and continued playing golf. When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went upto her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living. "I'm in sales." He replied, "no kidding so am I. What do you sell?" She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know what she sold she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh. He promised. she said, "I sell WHISPER (Sanitary Napkins)" . He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically. She said, "You promised you wouldn't laugh". He replied, "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper........ I'm still one hole behind you." ________________________________________________________________________________ (Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/ _____________________________________________________________________________

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Chuckle 5567

Chuckle 5567

Chuckle 5566A

Chuckle 5566 Classic (Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Dean O of Florence OR) ~Cow tracking~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign ) Is it just me or does anyone else find it absolutely amazing that the U.S. government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington, and determine exactly what that cow ate. They can also track her calves right to their stalls, and tell you what kind of feed they ate. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around in their country, including people that are trying to blow up important structures in the U.S. My solution is to give every illegal alien a cow as soon as they enter the country _______________________________________________________________ (Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/ ___________________________________________________________________

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Chuckle 5565

Chuckle 5565 (Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nancy of Sun City AZ) … 2021 thoughts... ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign ) Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years. Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter. It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult. Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true? Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers. N ever sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember...Don’t sing! M y wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make the food right in front of you. So I took her to Subway and that’s how the fight started. During the middle ages they celebrated the end of the plague with wine and orgies. Does anyone know if there is anything planned when this one ends? If 2020 was a math word-problem: If you’re going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof? W e can all agree that in 2015 not a single person got the answer correct S o if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure? \ I ’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event. I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit. A t what point can we just start using 2020 as profanity? As in: “That’s a load of 2020.” or “What in the 2020.” or “abso-2020-lutely.” W e all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. ______________________________________________________________________ (Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/ _______________________________________________________________________

Chuckle 5564A

Chuckle 5564 Classic From Willie in Sacramento CA/ sent out in June 2004. ~FBI test~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Herman) The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!" The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife" The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take you wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, She wiped the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair." MORAL: Women are evil. Don't mess with them. ________________________________________________________ (Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/ ___________________________________________________________

Chuckle 5563

 

Chuckle 5563

From George H of Florence OR/sent out in Sept 2004

~Hospital Rules~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and  Sign )

 Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.

 However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly
gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his
feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to
the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
 
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing
out of her hospital gown."

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Chuckle 5562

 

Chuckle 5562

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Sheila M of Florence OR)

~Cat problems~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and 6 diff’s)

 

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Chuckle 5561

 

Chuckle 5561 Classic

(From email Jokes)

       ~ OFFICE FUN ~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign)

A big corporation recently hired several cannibals. "You are all part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees." The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads no.

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand raised hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued,

"You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Managers and no one noticed anything, but nooooo, you had to go and eat someone they would miss!"

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Chuckle 5560

 

Chuckle 5560 Classic

 

~ Senior Hearing ~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign)

 Twin sisters in St. Luke's Nursing Home were turning one hundred years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100 year old twins. One of the twins was  hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well. Once  the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.

The deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"WE  GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other.

"Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman.

Again,  "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE." So they wiggled up close to each other.

"Just hold on for a bit  longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer.

Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"HE SAYS  HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"

With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH  MY GOD - BOTH OF US?"

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(Today in History Click)

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Chuckle 5559

 

Chuckle 5559

Sent Emails (9- 2004)

~Life’s Moments~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and 6 diff’s)

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Thought you might like to see what happened to me last week.

I went to the store to get some things, and when I came out there was a city cop writing out a parking ticket.  I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a piece of horse shit.  He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.  Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes . . . the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.  I didn't give a shit. My car was parked around the corner.  I try to have a little fun each day. It's important at my age.

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(Today in History Click)
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Chuckle 5558

 

Chuckle 5558

(Email Jokes Received in Sept 2004)

~Ballerina and the Gunny~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign)

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walks into a bar in San Diego.  She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.  But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk Gunny Sergeant slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.

She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them revealing the same hairy armpit and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again the same Marine slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the Marine and said, "I say, old chap, it's not my business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?"

The Gunny replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina."

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(Today in History Click)
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Chuckle 5557

 

Chuckle 5557 Classic

Chuckle 145 (Sent out in Nov 2003)

(This Chuckle comes to us from Mayne Island, B.C. Thanks Irene and Charles!)

~Best Letter Ever: ~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign)

A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Jeremy,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love, Becky

 

The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Jeremy included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope along with this note:

Dear Becky,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.Take Care,
Jeremy

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Chuckle 5556

 

Chuckle 5556

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Sheila Myers of Florence OR)

This might have been a chuckle already, but that's never stopped you before!

And then there is this:

~ Squirrels~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and 6 Diff’s)

  The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation.  After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

 At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry.  The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves.  The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

 The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures.  So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church.  Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

 The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning.  They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

 But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy!  They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church.  Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

 Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue.  They took the first squirrel and circumcised him.  They haven’t seen a squirrel since.

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Chuckle 5555

 

Chuckle 5555 (A palindrome just for you, Say it out loud and you will be lucky today!

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Sheila Myers of Florence OR)

I will this one on Facebook today:

** Beware ** (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign)

I ordered Chinese from a local place (won't name them) went to pick it up and as I was driving home, heard the bags rustling and moving!!!

I thought what on earth is that? Has something gotten into the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out.

I was driving so pulled over, I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the ginger beef!

I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...

 

And there it was ...

 

... A Peeking Duck!!!

 

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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