Chuckle 4015

Chuckle 4015
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to George H of Florence OR)

~Top Ten Country Song Titles~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

10. I Hate Every Bone in Her Body But Mine

9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed with an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With A Few

8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

7. I've missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'

6. Wouldn't Take Her to A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win

5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's like You're Still Here

4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Miss Him

3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger

2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer

And the Number One Country & Western song is...

1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day.

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(Today in History Click)
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___________________________________________________ 

Maxine

 

 

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Spot the 6 Diff's

Chuckle 4014 Classic

Chuckle 4014 Classic
Chuckle 62 (Sent out in Aug 2003)

(Thanks to Chet and Phyllis of Pasadena, CA for this chuckle.)

~Being Assertive~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

   A man was tired of being bossed around by his wife,
so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he
needed to build his self-esteem and so gave him a book
on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He
finished the book by the time he reached his house.

   The man stormed into the house and walked up to his
wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now
on, I want you to know that - I - am the man of this
house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me
a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating
my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward.
Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath
so I can relax. And, when I'm finished with my bath,
guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

   "The funeral director," his wife replied.

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(Today in History Click)
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http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

 ___________________________________________________

Maxine

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Herman

Chuckle 4013

Chuckle 4013
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Bev L of Mt. Vernon WA)

~The Furniture Dealer~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

  Ole, a furniture dealer from Minnesota, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find   .  

  After arriving in Paris , he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.

 As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.

 Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French (which Ole could not understand), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down.

 He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass  and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

 After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. 
  

They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.

 She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

 Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.

 To this day, Ole has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.

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(Today in History Click)
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 ______________________________________________________

Maxine

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Spot the 6 Diff's

Chuckle 4012 Classic

Chuckle 4012 Classic
Chuckle 255 (Sent out in Feb 2004)

(Thanks for today’s chuckle go to Rick in Surrey, BC)

~Little Johnny’s Heart:~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for
the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

 

Little Johnny was attending his first day of school. The teacher advised the class to start the day with the  pledge of allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him.      He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..."      When his eyes fell upon Little Johnny, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks.      "Little Johnny, I will not continue until you put your hand over your heart."      Little Johnny replied, "It is over my heart."   After several attempts to get Little Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think  that is your heart?"      "Because every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie!"  ____________________________________________________________ (Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/       ____________________________________________________________

 

Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Herman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 4011

Chuckle 4011
(Today's Chuckle thanks go to Nicky H of Florence OR) ~Ah, the definition of tough true love! ~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today's horoscope, Maxine and
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This guy is Alvaro Alfonso de Miranda Neto, a professional golfer:

He was married to --- this woman.

Her name is Cibele Dorsa.
She is a Brazilian swimsuit, Victoria 's Secret, and Playboy model.
He divorced her because he fell in love with this woman:

These two are very happily married right now.

Some people argue that love is blind. This story clearly proves it... It proves that men are capable of real love; Truly seeing a person's inner beauty, and Not basing their decisions solely on looks.

Oh, and by the way... The new girl is Athina Onassis. She's worth 12 billion dollars!!!
Love stories like this kinda bring a tear to your eye, don't they?

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(Today in History Click) http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day) www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope) http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

_____________________________________________________________

Maxine

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Spot the 6 Diff's

New letter from Mr Chuckles

Hi Everybody.

Just a note this year to talk about the past year 2015. 

Lora and I took another cruise-land tour to Alaska, they drop you off at Whittier and you end up at Fairbanks. We Left from Vancouver June 1^st which by the way is Lora’s Birthday; They gave her the whole enchilada, Champaign, balloons and a sign that said Happy birthday from your friends at Princess cruises on our cabin door.

This was the Sign!!

We stayed in 4 resorts 2 nights in each which were all very nice but for us older folks a bit tiring. The Denali park tour in an old beat up bus (which reminded me of the bus you take from Yuma with the tail hanging out of the back and horns in the front on a crab buying trip in Mexico with ample margaritas to drink.) Back to Denali Park you see Elk, goats an if you’re lucky a moose or two. Beautiful snowcapped mountains and rivers and streams and all that good stuff! That was a rough riding means of transportation. My behind felt like I’D been on a horse. Luckily they stopped on occasion to let the passengers take pic’s.

We stayed at the Princess resort in Fairbanks which was also very nice. We took a tour which included a ride on a full size Paddle wheeler on the river nearby, and took us to a train which ended up at gold mine with the Alaska pipe line running through the grounds.

They gave us a very nice free lunch and later gave us a lesson on how too pan for gold. After the lesson they put some sand and gravel in to the pan set us down in front of a big trough of water we got started panning. After about 15 minutes I had $36 worth and Lora had $12. It’s no wonder why people take it up for a hobby.  

My Grandson bought a vacation trailer and pulled up to Florence from Rancho Cordova. It proved to be too small for the Family. So he bought another one which had bunk beds in the back for the girls but it leaked so he took it back and bought another one which is really nice which he left here in an RV park near the beach..

They’ll be up to Florence around Christmas time. I hope all goes well this this time.

My daughter Sheila and her boyfriend like Florence so much may move up here from Rough and Ready, CA.

My daughter Carrie is now a National park ranger. So far she has been in CO, NM, and NY and is now starting a tour of duty at the Congaree Nat. Park in SC.

Well that’s about it for now, with luck and my pills I’ll be writing to you again at this time next year.                 

Merry Christmas to you all!!

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Chuckle 4010

Chuckle 4010
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence)

~Dead Penguins~ (I never knew this!) (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they go?

Wonder no more!!  It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

(Keith, I find this whole Penguin story a little hard to believe!)   ---Mr. Chuckles---

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

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Maxine at Xmas

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Spot the 6 Diff's

Chuckle 4009

Chuckle 4009

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Sue J of Florence OR)

~Who wants to be a Millionaire? ~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

   A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" had reached the final plateau.
If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money.

   As she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was: Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?

Is it
A) the condor;
B) the buzzard;
C) the cuckoo;
D) the vulture?"

   The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline, and the woman had hoped against hope that she would not have to use it because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde. But the contestant had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.

   The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: The cuckoo."

  The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis Filbin any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, it would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand -- the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.

  "I need an answer," said Regis. Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."

  "Is that your final answer?" asked Regis. "Yes, that is my final answer."

  Two seconds later, Regis said, "I regret to inform you that the answer is-...... absolutely correct.
You are now a millionaire!"

  Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars. "Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "Because of your knowing the answer to that final question, I am now a millionaire. And do you want to know something? It was your assuredness with which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your choice. By the way......how did you happen to know the right answer?"

  "Oh, come on!" said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."
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(Today in History Click)
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____________________________________________________________

Maxine























____________________________________________________________

Herman

Chuckle 4008

Chuckle 4008
(Today’s Chuckle thank go to Nicky H of Florence OR)

~Childbirth at 65 ~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.

'May I see the new baby?' I asked

'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.'

Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'

'No, not yet,' She said.

After another few minutes had elapsed,

I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'

'No, not yet,' replied my friend. Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?' 'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me. 'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'

'Because I forgot where I put him - OK!!'

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(Today in History Click)
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____________________________________________________________ 

Maxine

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Spot the 6 Diff's

Chuckle 4007

Chuckle 4007
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~ Old Cowboy~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan for a shave and a haircut. He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.

 

 

(Today in History Click)
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(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
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 ______________________________________________

Maxine

________________________________________________________

Herman

Chuckle 4006

Chuckle 4006
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nicky H of Florence OR)

~The Exam~ (Plus:) (Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

 After my Prostate Examination, the Doctor left.
 

Then the nurse came in.  As she shut the door, she whispered the three words that no man wants to hear:

 "Who Was That?"

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(Today in History Click)
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 _____________________________________________________

Maxine

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Spot the 6 Diff's

Chuckle 4005

Chuckle 4005
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nicky H and Keith K both of Florence OR)

~Three Muslim Women~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Just in case you should run into this same situation, be forewarned:

I was walking around Home Depot here in Eugene yesterday when I came across three Muslim women in full robes.

I thought to myself that I should make an effort to try and talk to them in order to better understand their culture. and then I planned on asking them why the Islamic religion is causing so much murder and mayhem around the world.

I tried talking to them for over five minutes, but got absolutely no response. Not a single sound!

In total disgust I was just about to launch into a mouthful of verbal abuse -- when I finally realized I was talking to three patio umbrellas . .

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(Today in History Click)
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http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

________________________________________________________________

 

Maxine

Herman