Chuckle 3750 Classic

Chuckle 3750 Classic
Chuckle 284 (Sent out in March 2004)

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Rich W of Avila Beach CA)

~A Philosophical Question: ~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

   A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is
the difference between potentially and realistically?"

  The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your
mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars, and ask your brother if he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

   So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with
Robert Redford for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of
course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house
and send you kids to a great college!"

  The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with
Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I
LOVE Brad Pitt! I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?"

  The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million could buy?"

  The boy pondered that for a few days, then went back to his dad..
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between
potentially and realistically?"

 The boy replied, "Yes, sir. Potentially, we're sitting on top of
three million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two sluts
and a queer."

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 ______________________________________________________________

Maxine

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Spot the 6 diffs

Chuckle 3749 1-30

Chuckle 3749 1-30
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~My First Irish Drink With My Son~ (Second time around) (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint.

Off we went to our local pub which is only two blocks from the house.

I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.

Then I got him a Stroh's, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.

It was the same with the Molson's and the Labatt's.

I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's,

 nope! By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink I was so drunk I

could hardly push the stroller back home!

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(Today in History Click)
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 ______________________________________________________________

Maxine

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Herman

Chuckle 3748

Chuckle 3748   1-29
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nancy S of Sheridan WY)

~Falcon in a Tree~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope,
Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

I've received many remarkable nature photographs over the years but this
photo of a nesting Falcon is perhaps the most remarkable nature shot that
I've ever seen. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Nature is truly
breath-taking! I've sent this to most of my older friends. The younger ones
probably have never seen a falcon and wouldn't recognize it.  ---Nancy---

See photo below;

 

> 

 

> 

 

> 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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(Today in History Click)
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 ________________________________________________________________

Maxine

__________________________________________________________________


Spot the 6 diff's

 

Chuckle 3747

Chuckle 3747 1-28
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go Ron J of Florence OR)

~Norwegian Icebreaker on loan to Pennsylvania~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Norwegian Icebreaker Heads Up The Susquehanna River    As you may have seen on the news it's been very cold in Pennsylvania.... So cold, in fact, that the State has borrowed a Norwegian Icebreaker to clear the river for fishing and migrating waterfowl.  The Icebreaker is starting near Harrisburg and is working its way northward. Here is a picture as the hard work of ice breaking begins. Impressive!   > >   >  >  > If you don't get a laugh outta this one, then you're past any  help I can give you!

---Ron---

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 _________________________________________________________

Maxine

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Herman

Chuckle 3746

Chuckle 3746
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nicky H of Florence OR.)

~More Truths~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach.

A human hair can hold 3kg

The length of a Man’s Willie is three times the length of the thumb.

The femur is as hard as concrete.

A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.

Women blink 2 times more than men.

We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand.

A woman has read this entire text.

A man is still looking at his thumb.

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______________________________________________________________

Maxine

__________________________________________________________________

Spot the 6 Diff's

Chuckle 3745

Chuckle 3745
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nancy S of Sheridan WY)

~Husband vs. Wives~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

 WHO DOES WHAT 

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

 The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.'

 The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'

 Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible the man should do the coffee.' 

 Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me..'

 So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, it indeed says 'HEBREWS' 

 

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(Today in History Click)
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 ____________________________________________________________

Maxine

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Herman

Chuckle 3744

Chuckle 3744
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~A Touching Story~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

A small boy named Hameed lived in a village in Morocco. None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Hameed!!!!!"

One day Hameed's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!! The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from the school & even moved to another town!!!!!

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease! All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform...... Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful......

When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!

The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw our friend Hameed, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Hoover!!!!!

~~

Don't tell me you thought that Hameed became a doctor!

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(Today in History Click)
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 ___________________________________________________________

Maxine

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Spot the 6 Diff's

Chuckle 3743 Classic

Chuckle 3743 Classic
Chuckle 48 (Sent out in July 2003)

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nadine (Cookie) Walsh of Carpinteria, CA.)

Cookie passed away a while back but we still love he little stories.

~Military Chuckle~

   A  Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop.
They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when
the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
   The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My
wife will think I've been in a Red Light District!"
   The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put
it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a house in a
Red Light District smells like."

 

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(Today in History Click)
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 _________________________________________________________

Maxine

____________________________________________________________

Herman

Chuckle 3742

Chuckle 3742
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~The Pilot and the Priest~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?  The guy replies, "I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom." The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom."  "Just a minute," says the good father. "That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?"

 "Up here - we go by results," says Saint Peter. "When you preached - people slept. When he flew, people prayed."

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 (Today in History Click)
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 ________________________________________________________________

Maxine

_____________________________________________________________________

Spot the 6 diff's

Chuckle 3741 Classic

Chuckle 3741 Classic
Chuckle 132 (Sent out in Oct 2003)

  (This chuckle was sent in by Rick and Ann of Surrey B.C. Thanks Rick.)

I’ll have to admit that I laughed out loud at this one.

~Latex Gloves~( Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

  A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady
was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his
gloves.

"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.

 "No, I don't."
  "Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Mexico with a big tank of latex,
and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let
them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right
size."

  She didn't crack a smile.

"Oh, well. I tried," he thought.

But five minutes later, during the procedure she burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

 "I was just envisioning how condoms are made...."

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 _________________________________________________________

Maxine

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Herman

Chuckle 3740

Chuckle 3740
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~Drinking in Prescott AZ~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

Jerry was standing at the bar in Prescott, Arizona and this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to him and starts drinking a beer.

 Jerry asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?"

He says "No, why the heck you ask me that?  Is it because I am Chinese?"

"No", Jerry said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little jerk.

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 (Today in History Click)
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_________________________________________________________

Maxine

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Spot the 6 diff's

 

 
 
 
 



 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3739

Chuckle 3739
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nicky H of Florence OR)

~And God Looked Down and Saw That It Was Good~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Most seniors never get enough exercise.  So in his wisdom, God decreed that seniors would become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things misplaced, and do some walking.

And God Looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was yet another need.  So God in his wisdom made seniors lose coordination so that they would drop things which would require them to bend and reach and stretch.

And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God considered the functioning of senior’s bladders and decided that in His wisdom there might be calls of nature more frequently requiring more trips to the relief station and that would burn calories.

God looked down and saw that it was good.

Seniors were obliged to exercise more from these senior shortcomings and did become more active as a result.  So if you find you are required to get up and down more as you age, remember it’s God’s will and in your best interests, even though you mutter under your breath.

 

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(Today in History Click)
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 _________________________________________________________

Maxine

___________________________________________________________________


Herman

Chuckle 3738

Chuckle 3738 Classic
Chuckle 274 (sent out in March 2004)

 (George H. of Florence OR came through with another good chuckle.

Thanks  George!)

~The Lost Chapter of Genesis~

  Adam was hanging around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.

He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.

She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! She will bear your children, and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.

 "She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."

 Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"

 God replied, "An arm and a leg."

  Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

Of course the rest is history......................

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 (Today in History Click)
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___________________________________________________________ 

Maxine

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Find the 6 Diff's