Chuckle 2306

Chuckle 2306
(Don Wilson of Florence OR gets today's chuckle thanks.)

~Shocked Blonde~ (Also; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, and Maxine,

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND COP!'

_______________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)
Today in History from Yahoo
______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from my own collection.)

________________________________________________________
(Why, Why, Why? From Charlie M of Bradenton FL)

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

*************************************************************
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
______________________________________________________

Have a Good One!!

Chuckle 2305

Chuckle 2305
(Pat M of Florence gets today's chuckle thanks.)


~Why British Newspapers Arm or Fun to Read! ~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine,
and 6 differences.)

___________________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)

Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from my own collection.)

________________________________________________________

(Find the Six Differences, Answers below)

Chuckle 2304

Chuckle 2304
(Rich W of Paso Robles gets today's chuckle thanks.)

~Retirement Home Test~
(Also; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, and Maxine,

During a visit to the retirement home, I asked the director, how do you determine whether or not a person should be institutionalized?"

'Well,' said the Director, ' we fill up a bathtub, and then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' I said... 'A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'

ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE? ---Rich---

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
________________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)
Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from my own collection.)


_____________________________________________________

(Why, Why, Why? From Charlie M of Bradenton FL)

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
________________________________________________________


(Have a great day)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hotmail: Powerful Free email with security by Microsoft. Get it now.

Chuckle 2303

Chuckle 2303
(Charlie M of Bradenton FL gets today's chuckle thanks.)

Ties for sale. Only $5

~TALIBAN & A JEW~ (2nd Time around)
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine,
and 6 differences.)

Begin forwarded message: A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.

The Taliban asked, 'Do you have water?'

The Jewish man replied, 'I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.'

The Taliban shouted, 'idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!

'OK,' said the old Jewish man, 'it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that.

If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom.' Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead.

'Your f***ing brother won't let me in without a tie!'

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
________________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)
Today in History from Yahoo ______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from my own collection.)


________________________________________________________

(Find the Six Differences, Answers below)

Chuckle 2302

Chuckle 2302
(Rick R of Surrey BC gets today's chuckle thanks.)

~The Pope and Tiger Woods~
(Also; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, and Maxine,


The Pope and Tiger Woods died on the same day and because of an administrative mix up the Pope went to hell and Tiger Woods went to Heaven.

The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in hell,

and after checking the paperwork he admits that there is an error. "However", the clerk explains, "it would be 24 hours before it can be rectified".

Next day the Pope is called and Hell's staff bids him farewell.
On the way up, the Pope meets Tiger Woods coming down from heaven and they stop to have a chat.

"Sorry about the mix up", apologizes the Pope -- "No problem" replied Tiger Woods.

Pope: "I am really anxious to get to heaven”.

Tiger: "Why is that?"

Pope: "All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary"

Tiger: "You're a day late"

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
________________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)

Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from my own collection.)


_______________________________________________________

(Why, Why, Why? From Charlie M of Bradenton FL)

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?
_____

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
_______________________________________________________

(Have a great day)

Chuckle 2301
( Dean O of Florence gets today's chuckle thanks.)
This chuckle was sent out as Chuckle 875 on Nov.28th 2005



Chuckle 875
~Oh my! ~ (Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

A man and his friend were hunting deer in rural Wisconsin near a blacktop highway. A huge buck walked by and the hunter carefully drew his bow and took careful aim.

Before he could release his arrow, his friend alerted him to a funeral procession passing on the road below their stand.

The hunter slowly let off the pressure on his bow, took off his hat, bowed his head and closed his eyes in prayer.

His friend was amazed. "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are the kindest man I have ever known."

The hunter shrugged.

"Yeah, well ...we were married for 35 years." ***


This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

_______________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)
Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from my own collection.)

_____________________________________________________

(Find the Six Differences, Answers below)

Chuckle 2299

Chuckle 2299
(Linda M of Florence OR gets today's chuckle thanks.)

~Computer Repair~(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

Caller: Hi, our printer is not working.

Customer Service: What is wrong with it?

Caller: Mouse is jammed.

Customer Service: Mouse? Printers don't have a mouse !

Caller: Oh really?... I will send a picture.

Scroll down?.



>

>

>

>

>










______________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)
Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from my own collection.)


________________________________________________________

(Find the Six Differences, Answers below)

Chuckle 2298

Chuckle 2298
(Pat M of Florence OR gets today's chuckle thanks.)


~Farm Chuckle ~ (2nd Time around)
(Also; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, and Maxine,

He's a mean little boy.

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.

"Not yet," said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.

He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.

He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
______________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)

Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from my own collection.)

________________________________________________________

(Larry’s Proverbs sent in by Joyce K of Florence AZ.)

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
________________________________________________________

Have a great day

Chuckle 2297

~Chuckle 2297
(Charlie M of Bradenton FL.gets today's chuckle thanks.)



~Tough to Argue with This One~ (2nd Time around) (Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white US. Government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion; where did the white man go wrong?'

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied:

'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian men spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.'

Then the chief leaned back and smiled 'only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.'

_______________________________________________________.
(Click Today in History and learn.)

Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from my own collection.)


_______________________________________________________

(Find the Six Differences, Answers below)

Chuckle 2296

Chuckle 2296
(Nicki H of Florence OR gets today's chuckle thanks.)


~SUV’s make a nice gift~ (Also; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, and Maxine,

Two old guys were chatting..... One said to the other: "My 85th birthday was yesterday. The wife gave me an SUV".

Other guy responded: "Wow, that's amazing!!..... Imagine, an SUV!!..

What a great gift!" First guy: "Yup !!.... Socks, Underwear and Viagra!"

_______________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)
Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from Phyllis S in Pasadena CA)

______________________________________________________

(Larry’s Proverbs sent in by Joyce K of Florence AZ.)

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
________________________________________________________

Have a great day!!

Chuckle2295

Chuckle 2295
(Bev L of Mt. Vernon WA gets today's chuckle thanks.)


~Cost Of Living ~ (Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

"When I was a lad, Momma would send me down to the corner store with a dollar, and I'd come back with:

five pounds of potatoes, two loaves of bread, three pints of milk, a pound of cheese, a packet of tea, and half a dozen eggs. Ya can't do that now!

Too many damn security cameras!!!"

_______________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)
Today in History from Yahoo
______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from Phyllis S in Pasadena CA)


_______________________________________________________

(Find the Six Differences, Answers below)

Chuckle 2294

Chuckle 2294
(Linda M of Eugene OR gets today's chuckle thanks.)

Hymn 365 (2nd Time around)
(Also; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, and Maxine,

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

________________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)
Today in History from Yahoo
______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from Phyllis S in Pasadena CA)

________________________________________________________

(Larry’s Proverbs sent in by Joyce K of Florence AZ.)



17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

___________________________________________________

Remember no publications on Mondays, Sorry!

Have a goodern!

Chuckle 2293

Chuckle 2293
(Pam S in Roseville CA gets today's chuckle thanks.)


~Right and Proper~ (From my Archives) Chuckle 534 or (Mr. Chuckles Classic which was sent on December 09, 2004)
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine,
and 6 differences.)

In case you haven't seen this yet, here's a quote from an email that floated through here today. It's from a Government employee who witnessed a recent interaction between an elderly woman and an anti-war protestor in a Metro station in DC:

"... there were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one.

An elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young (20ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined. The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice said, "Ma'am, don't you care about the children of Iraq?"

The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my first husband died in France during World War II so you could have the right to stand here and bad mouth your country. And if you touch me again, I'll stick this umbrella up your ass and open it

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
________________________________________________________


(Click Today in History and learn.)

Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

Maxine on the economy

________________________________________________________

(Find the Six Differences, Answers below)

Chuckle 2292

Chuckle 2292
(Jack S of Santa Cruz CA gets today's chuckle thanks.)


~New Business~
(Also; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, and Maxine,
Yes it is a little not so nice but too cute to not pass on.-- Jack

Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.' No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked "What are you sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well. Only two left."

Seniors - don't mess with them !

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

____________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)
Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from Phyllis S in Pasadena CA)


____________________________________________________

(Larry’s Proverbs sent in by Joyce K of Florence AZ.)

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

_______________________________________________________

Chuckle 2290

Chuckle 2290
(Charlie of Bradenton FL gets today's chuckle thanks.)

~The Farmer's Chicken~
(Also; Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, and Maxine,


A farmer decided he wanted to go to town and see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?" the old farmer said, "That’s my pet rooster chuck. Wherever i go, chuck goes."

"I'm sorry sir," said the ticket agent. "We can't allow animals in the theater."

The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed chuck down his overalls. Then he returned to the booth, bought a ticket, and entered the theater.

He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.

The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unbuttoned his fly so chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie.

"Marge," whispered Mildred.

"What?" said Marge?

"I think the guy next to me is a pervert."

"What makes you think so?" asked Marge?

"He undid his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred.

"Well, don't worry about it", said Marge. "At our age we've seen 'em all"

"I thought so too", said Mildred, "but this one's eatin' my popcorn!"

This email was cleaned by email stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailstripper.htm
________________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)

Today in History from Yahoo


(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from Phyllis S in Pasadena CA)


________________________________________________________

(Larry’s Proverbs sent in by Joyce K of Florence AZ.)

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
_______________________________________________________

(Have a great day)

Chuckle 2289

Chuckle 2289
(Linda M of Florence OR gets today's chuckle thanks.)

~ Black Bra~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

The Black Bra (Told by a woman)

I had lunch with two of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress and I have been married for twenty plus years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here’s how it all went.

My engaged friend:

The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.

He saw me and said, ' You are the woman of my dreams. I love you. ' Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:

Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only a black bra, heels and a mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:

When my husband came home I was wearing a black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes...

When he came in the door and saw me he said,

‘What’s for dinner, Batman? '

(A fund raiser to pay for his hospital bills is planned. Details will be announced shortly.)

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
_______________________________________________________

(Click Today in History and learn.)

Today in History from Yahoo

______________________________________________________

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
Today's Horoscope )
________________________________________________________

(Maxine from Phyllis S in Pasadena CA)


______________________________________________________

(Find the Six Differences, Answers below)