Chuckle 3524

Chuckle 3524

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Phyllis S of Pasadena CA)

~ Kids in Church~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

 A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus'
mother's name?"  One child answered, "Mary."
The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?"

A little kid said, "Verge."
Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"
The kid said, "Well, you know, they are always talking about Verge n'
Mary.'' 
***********
KIDS IN CHURCH
3-year-old Reese:
"Our Father, Who does art in
heaven, Harold is His name.
Amen."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm
having a real good time like I am."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all
the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy
replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian
home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."

If you would like to see the rest of “Kids in Church” let me know and I’ll forward it to you. 

 ---Jerry---

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(Today in History Click)
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(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
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http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Herman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3523 Classic

Chuckle 3523 Classic
(Chuckle 2824) (Sent out in Dec 2011)

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Lora S of Florence OR)

 

~The Knob~ (Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

 

A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift.

 

Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.' Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. 'All these years, everything has been working just fine.  I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results.  But now I've developed two annoying problems:

Firstly, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'

The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.' She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.'

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

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 (Maxine)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Find the six differences;

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3522

Chuckle 3522
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nicky H of Florence OR)

~A BIBLICAL STORY...IN 2014~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

A woman runs a red traffic light and crashes into a man's car. Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly, neither of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says; "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." She then hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police."

Adam ate the apple, too.

Men will never learn...

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(Today in History Click)
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(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Herman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3521

Chuckle 3521

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Ron S of Dune City OR.)

~ Hank and Leroy~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s)

Two old buddies, Hank and Leroy ran into each other after many years. Hank remembered that Leroy got lousy grades in school and wasn’t very ambitious, so condescendingly asked him, “How are you doing?” “Well” said Leroy, one day I took the Bible, closed my eyes, opened it up and pointed my finger on a page, when I lifted my finger saw the word “oil”. So I took all my savings and invested in oil, and the oil flowed, so again  I closed my eyes and put my finger on a word opened my eyes and saw the word Gold, so I invested in gold and now I’m a millionaire. Although Hank was already quite well to do, he became very excited by Leroy’s good fortune, so he ran home, got out the bible and closed his eyes and pointed on a random page and when he lifted his finger he read “Chapter 11”

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(Today in History Click)
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Maxine

         

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                        Looking for the bird!

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Find the six differences;

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3520

Chuckle 3520
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence)

~Identity Problem~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Rose & Ruth two 90-year-old women, Rose & Ruth had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Ruth visited her every day. One day Ruth said, 'Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives, and we played all through High School.

Please do me one favor: when you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's softball there.

Rose looked up at Ruth from her deathbed and said, 'Ruth, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you."

Shortly after that, Rose passed on.

A few nights later, Ruth was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light & a voice calling out to her, 'Ruth, Ruth.'

'Who is it?' asked Ruth, sitting up suddenly.  'Who is it?' "Ruth-- it's me, Rose."'You're not Rose.  Rose just died.'

"I'm telling you, it's me, Rose," insisted the voice.  "In heaven," replied Rose."  "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first"' said Ruth.

"The good news,' Rose said, 'is that there's softball in heaven.  Better yet all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too.  Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, & we never get tired."

That's fantastic,' said Ruth. 'It's beyond my wildest dreams!  "So what's the bad news?"

"You're pitching Tuesday."

Life is uncertain - do what you love now.

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 (Today in History Click)
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 _________________________________________________________

Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

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Herman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3519

Chuckle 3519
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Phyllis L of Florence OR)

~Best Speeding Excuse Ever~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff’s

"This may be us someday, or maybe we are already there!"

When asked by a young patrol officer "Do You know you were speeding?" This 83-year-old woman gave the young officer an ear to ear smile and stated: "Yes, but… I had to get there before I forgot where I was going." The officer put his ticket book away and bid her good day. Makes perfectly good sense to me.

 

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(Today in History Click)
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 ______________________________________________________

Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Find the six differences;

 

 

 

Chuckle 3518

Chuckle 3518
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)

~ Aging?~  (Second time around) ( Plus: today in history, word for the day, todays horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.  While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?". . . And God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 33 years? Why didn't you pull me from the path of the ambulance?"

(You'll love this)

. . . And God replied: " I didn't recognize you!!!!!"

 

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(Today in History Click)
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_____________________________________________________________________

 

Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Herman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckle 3517

Chuckle 3517
(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Mac M of Florence OR)

 

~Hooters Waitress~ (Plus: today in history, word for the day, today's horoscope, Maxine and 6 diff's)

During a long day of looking around a car show, I, and a couple of my friends, stopped in at ‘Hooter’s’ for some Hot Wings and a few beers... After being there for a while, one of my friends asked me which waitress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with. I told them "The one who knows how to fix elevators."

I'm old, tired, and pee a lot.

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(Today in History Click)
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(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
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Maxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Find the six differences; open clips