Chuckle 4979 Classic

Chuckle 4979 Classic

Chuckle 557 (Sent out in Jan 2005

(Mary in Los Osos CA gets today's chuckle thanks!)

~Short Chuckles~ (Part 1)( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and  6 Diff’s)

I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?" Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?!!!

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Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes." They were seated immediately.

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The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.

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All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Maxine

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

 

Chuckle 4978 Classic

Chuckle 4978 Classic

Chuckle 264 (Sent out in March 2004)



(Today’s chuckle thanks go to Nadine W. in Carpinteria, CA!)

~Repairs by the Book:~ :( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

   I don't know how they wrote this with a straight  face.....This apparently was a real memo sent out by a computer company to its employees in all seriousness.  It went to all engineers about a computer peripheral problem.  The author of this memo was quite genuine.  The word is that the engineers literally rolled on the floor! (Especially note the last couple of sentences.)

Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls.

 If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. 

 Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units).  Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. 

 Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse.  Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse.  Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.  Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.

 Upon completion of  ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.  It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.  Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.  Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.

 Thank  you.  

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/



Maxine

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Herman

Chuckle 4977

Chuckle 4977 Classic

Chuckle 119 ( Sent out in Mar of 2003)

(Thanks go to Willie and Joy of Sacramento, CA for

this Chuckle.)

~Two Pilots:~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and

6 Diff’s)

  A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control
of a Jewish captain.

  His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've
flown together and an awkward silence between the two
seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
 

  Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain
activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and
mutters, "I don't like Chinese."

"No rike Chinese?" asks the copilot, "why not?"

"You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why!"

"No, no," the copilot protests, "Chinese not bomb Chuckle 119

Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese."

"Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese......doesn't matter,
you're all alike!"

There's a few minutes of silence.

"No rike Jews!" the copilot suddenly announces.

"Why not?" asks the captain.

"Jews sink Titanic."

"Jews didn't sink the Titanic!" exclaims the captain,
it was an iceberg!"

"Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, no
mattah......all same!"

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

Maxine

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 4975 Classic

Chuckle 4975  Classic

Chuckle 514 (Sent out in Nov. 2004)



(Jayne C in Florence OR gets today's chuckle thanks!)

~The Moral of the Story~(Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. "Johnny, do you have a story to share?" "Yes, ma'am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Carol. Aunt Carol was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?" "Stay the hell away from Aunt Carol when she's been drinking."



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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Maxine

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Herman

Chuckle 4974 Classic

Chuckle 4974 Classic

Chuckle 573 (Sent out in Jan 2005)

(Charlotte P from Reeds Port OR and Phyllis S of Pasadena CA

share chuckle thanks today!)

~A New Wine for Seniors~ from Charlotte

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.  It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night. 

The new wine will be marketed as Pino More.

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(Note:  Hi Jerry...The following is an important public service announcement for your readers!  Love, Phyllis.in Pasadena CA)

~Woman’s Day~

Today is International Very Good Looking, Damn Smart Woman's Day, so please send this message to someone you think fits this description. 

Please do not send it back to me as I have already received it from a Very Good Looking, Damn Smart Woman! 

And remember this motto to live by:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have an wonderful day! 

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Maxine

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 4973

Chuckle 4973

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nancy in Sun City AZ)

~Irish Blonde~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching"

MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,
but all men...are men!

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Maxine

____________________________________________________

Herman

Chuckle 4972

Chuckle 4972 Classic

Chuckle 242 (Sent out in Feb 2004)

(Thanks for today’s chuckle go to George H. in Florence, OR!)

~A Blonde Looking for a Man:~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and  6 Diff’s)

    Sally (a blonde) was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage.  She was gone several days but finally she returned.  Her friend, Liz, never saw Sally looking so sad.

   Liz, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days.  Glad you got back okay...but you look so sad.  Why??"

 Sally, "Cause I just can't get a man."

 Liz, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods."

   Sally, "Don't be so silly. I know that.  But I went in the woods cause I needed something there that would get me a man.  But I couldn't find it."

   Liz, "I don't understand what you're talking about."

 Sally, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage."

Liz, "So, how's that gonna help you get a man."
  

Sally, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters."



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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/



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Maxine




























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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 4971

Chuckle 4971

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Keith K of Florence OR)



~Ooooops~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

An 8-year-old girl asks her father, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father is somewhat surprised that she would ask such a question. But, he reckons if she's old enough to ask the question, then surely she's old enough for a straight answer. So, the father proceeds to tell his young daughter all about the "birds and the bees."

After a brief explanation, the little girl appears a little pale and wide-eyed in disbelief. "By the way, dear, why do you ask?" the father asks.

The little girl replies, "Mommy told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm


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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/


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Maxine

________________________________________________________________

Herman

Chuckle 4970 Classic

Chuckle 4970 Classic

Chuckle 132 (Sent out in Oct 2003)

  (This chuckle was sent in by Rick and Ann of Surrey B.C.

I’ll have to admit that I laughed out loud at this one.

Thanks Rick.)

~Latex Gloves:~(Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

  A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady
was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his
gloves.

  "Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.

  "No, I don't."

  "Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Mexico with a big tank of latex,
and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let
them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right
size."

  She didn't crack a smile.

  "Oh, well. I tried," he thought.

   But five minutes later, during the procedure she burst out laughing.

   "What's so funny?" he asked.

   "I was just envisioning how condoms are made...."

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/



______________________________________________________

Maxine

__________________________________________________

Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 4969 Classic

Chuckle 4969 Classic

Chuckle 241 (Sent out in Feb 2004)

(Today’s chuckle thanks go to Phyllis in Pasadena CA for this male basher!)

~Girl Humor~(Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and

Herman)

:One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...

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A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you..."

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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today,"Jack says as he stepped out of the shower,
"Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/



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Maxine

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Herman