Chuckle 7078

Chuckle 5078 Classic

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Rick R in Surrey BC)



~Senior Hearing~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and
Herman)


Twin sisters in St. Luke's Nursing Home were turning one hundred years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100 year old twins. One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well. Once  the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.

The deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other.

"Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman.

Again,  "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE." So they  wiggled up close to each other.

"Just hold on for a bit  longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer.

Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"HE SAYS  HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"

With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH  MY GOD - BOTH OF US?"


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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/




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Maxine























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Herman

Chuckle 5077 Classic

  
Chuckle 5077 Classic

Chuckle 7  (Sent in June 2003)

 ~Bug man out of control!!~(Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diffs)

   A woman was having a passionate affair with an
inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon
they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her
husband arrived home unexpectedly.

   Quick," said the woman to her lover," into the
closet!", and she pushed him in the closet, stark
naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and
after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in
the closet.

   “Who are you?" he asked him.
   "I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the
exterminator.
   "What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.
   "I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of
moths," the man replied.
   "And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said,........

   "Those little bastards!"

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/



___________________________________________________

Maxine

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 5076

Chuckle 5076 Classic



Chuckle 4 (June 2003)

~GRANDMA'S T.V.~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

   A 5 year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing
with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting furniture, he looked
up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a
boyfriend?"
  Grandma replied, "Honey, my T.V. is like my boyfriend.  I can sit in my
bedroom and watch it all day long.  The T.V. Evangelists keeps my
spiritual side company and it makes me feel so good. The Comedies make me laugh,  and I feel so happy with my T.V. as my boyfriend."  Grandma turned on the T.V. and the picture was horrible.  She started adjusting the knobs to get
the picture in focus.  Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the
T.V. hoping to fix the problem.
   The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door. When he opened the door, there stood Grandma's minister.   The minister said,
  "Hello son, is your grandmother home?"
   The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's home.  She's in her bedroom
bangin' her boyfriend."

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

_______________________________________________________

Maxine

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Chuckle 5075

Chuckle 5075 Classic

Chuckle 2 (Sent in June 2003)

~Letter to Redneck Son~( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

Dearest Redneck Son,
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast.

  We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in
the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from
your home, so we moved.

  I won't be able to send you the address because the last
Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they
moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

  This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine.
I'm not sure it works so well though. Last week I put a load of
clothes in and pulled the chain...we haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last
week; the first time for three days and the second time for four
days.

  About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle
Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the
buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

   John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were
really worried because it took him two hours to get your

father and me out.

  Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found
out what it is yet so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle.
The baby looks just like your brother.

  Uncle Ted fell in a whisky vat last week. Some men tried
to pull him out, but he fought them off playfully and drowned.
We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

  Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup
truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam
to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned
because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

  There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much
out of the normal has happened.
Love, Mom
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/



_______________________________________________


Maxine

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 5074

Chuckle 5074 Classic

Chuckle 6 Sent out in June 2003

~Ahhh Men~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope,

Screenshot  and Herman)

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.
He decides to give them each a test.

He gives each woman a present of $5000.00
and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover.
She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done,
new make up and buys several new
outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive
for him because she loves him so much.
The man was very impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.
She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his
computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these
gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because
she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.
She earns several times the $5,000.00 and re-invests the remainder
in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future

because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with
the money, and then . he ... very logically ...married the one with the
largest boobs.

Surely you weren't thinking men have changed.

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/



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Watch out somebody is watching you!

This Screen shot is a from Facebook

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Herman

Chuckle 5073 Floppy

Chuckle 5073 Floppy

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Anon.)

 Church News ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Facebook joke and 6 Diff’s)

 They're Back! Church Bulletin Bloopers:

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

 Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals."

 The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

 Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

 Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

 Remember in prayer the many that are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

 Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

 Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

If you have  children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.


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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope

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This is a screen shot taken from Facebook. Thanks pam !

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 5072

Chuckle 5072 (My Book)

(Chuckle 3126) Sent out in Dec 2012

(Charlie M of Bradenton FL gets today’s chuckle thanks)



~OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES. ~ (Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and Herman .)



While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, “I know how you feel. My Mom makes me ride in the stroller too.”



**************************************************************************************



As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. After mulling over my answers, she remarked, “My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them.”



This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm



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(Today in History Click)

http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)

www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day/

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/



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(Maxine Cartoon)

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Herman

Chuckle 5071

Chuckle 5071 Floppy

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to John C of Clearlake CA)

Received in Mar 2001

~A Blonde Story~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)



An Irishman, a Mexican and a blond guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."



The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."



The blond opened his lunch and said,

"Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."



The next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death.



The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps, too.



The blond opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also.



At the funeral, the Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!



The Mexican's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."



Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.

"Hey, don't look at me," she said. "He makes his own lunch."


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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/





Maxine

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 5070

Chuckle 5070

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Bev L of Mt. Vernon WA.)



~Vacation spots for 2019!!!!~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Then, there’ s a (comparatively) new one….

      I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots.

    Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.

  

 I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

  

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family and work.

  

 I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

  

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.



I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.



 Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.



One of my favourite places to be is in Suspense ! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age, I need all the stimuli I can get !

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/



_________________________________________________

Maxine

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Chuckle 5069

Chuckle 5069

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Bill P of Florence OR )

Getting Older... Pt.2

 ~SCOTCH WITH 2 DROPS OF WATER~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today. 'The bartender says' well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.

'As the woman finishes her drink the woman to her right says 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.' The old woman says 'thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming up' says the bartender.

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says 'I would like to buy you one, too.' The old woman says ‘thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming right up' the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'

The old woman replies 'sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor... Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue’

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

___________________________________________________ 

Maxine

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Chuckle 5068 pt 1

Chuckle 5068

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Bill P of Florence OR))

~Old is When~Pt 1 ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

'OLD' IS WHEN... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot!

'OLD' IS WHEN... A sexy babe catches your fancy ... And your pacemaker opens the garage door!

'OLD' IS WHEN... You don't care where your spouse goes . Just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down By the doctor instead of by the police

'OLD' IS WHEN... 'Getting lucky' means you find your car  In the parking

'OLD' IS WHEN... An 'all-nighter' means not getting up To use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN... Your sweetie says 'Let's go upstairs and make love' And you answer: 'Pick one, I can't do both!'

AND 'OLD' IS WHEN... You are not sure these are jokes!



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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/



_______________________________________________________


Maxine

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Herman

Chuckle 5067

Chuckle 5067 Classic

Chuckle 267 (Sent out in Mar 2004)

(Thanks go to Rick in Surrey, B.C. for today’s chuckle!)

Blonde in the Elevator: (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

A business man got on an elevator in a tall building.
When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde
already inside and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F."
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

  She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."

  The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled
her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly,
"T-G-I-F" for a third time.
The man smiled back to her and once again answers "S-H-I-T."

  The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she said,"T-G-I-F.
It means Thank Goodness It's Friday....Get it, duuhhh?"

  The man answered, "S-H-I-T means Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday


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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/



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Maxine

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s